A Reality Check On Your Relationship Here Is How He REALLY Feels About You

August 5, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating Tips For Women

Have you ever been confused from not knowing how he really feels about you? Does his behavior seem strange? Read this story and my comment below. If you have anything like this ever happened to you, feel free to share in the comment section down this page!

Here is an e-mail from a subscriber:

Hi Elaine,

A few months ago I began communicating with a guy on a dating site. After talking for several weeks, we went on a date. It went well, but I had to go out of town after that. We could not see each other for a month, but continued to talk on the phone a few times a week, with him initiating communication.

During this time talking, he set up a date and asked me to go to a wedding with him. We were happily dating for two months. He had his bday coming up and asked me to come see him the night before and see him on the afternoon of his bday. He wanted me to leave mid-afternoon, though because his good friend and friend’s girlfriend were coming to see him and they were all going out. He said he wanted a “guys’ night out.” This really just sounded to me like he wanted to spend the evening stag with a couple. I went to see him but left early the next day and told him I was upset that he would ask me to come and then leave to hang out with a couple.

He left the country for a few days, and when he came back he wanted to see me. I told him I needed him to apologize to me for how he acted and for hurting my feelings. When he saw me a few days later, he came dressed up, brought me an orchid, and wanted to take me out. We had a nice time but I didn’t really feel better. The next day he called and said he was coming into my town in a week for work and would like to see me. He refused to stay with me, however, saying he wanted to stay in a hotel. “But that I could stay with him in the hotel.” I felt like this was really weird, since I had routinely spent the night at his house when I was invited to go see him.

So, I freaked out and broke up with him. The next day, I texted him and said I was really sorry and that I had overreacted. I called him, left a message saying the same thing. I heard from him a few days later in a text. He said that he had been thinking, and that we shouldn’t see each other because he didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated to should be. I asked him if we could discuss this fiasco, and he agreed. But as he was on a Bachelor party weekend across the country, we waited about four days to talk.

When I called him to talk about this situation I had created, I apologized, took the blame, said I had acted like a crazy person, and asked him if he thought we could still date. He said he did, and wanted to see me that week. So when he came to town, we had dinner and watched a movie. It went fine. He said we might be able to see each other on Friday or Saturday.

I asked him if he would like me to drive to see him on Friday, and he said he had been “debating it” because of his work schedule but that I was “of course invited.” I ended up going to see him, and again, everything went fine. After I left on Saturday, though, I thought about my time with him and realized he had been disengaged. He seemed reluctant to engage in conversation with me. He just seemed quiet.

I was driving to see my family from his house, and about 6 hours in I decided to call him and ask if he was okay. He didn’t pick up. And didn’t call me back.

That was last Saturday. On Monday I sent him a text asking if he had had a good break from work, and he said it was fine, but that he hadn’t gotten enough done. So he responded, but he didn’t ask me anything. Again, a refusal to engage. I haven’t heard from him since the text on Monday. I sent him a text yesterday saying that “I hope you had a good day,” but I have not called or emailed him.

I am not sure what to do at this point. I feel like he is evaluating our relationship-but I am worried that he has decided not to see me. I am also worried that because of my past psychotic behavior, too much pressure will make him run screaming.

What is your advice? Do I call him? It’s almost been a week since we have talked. Or do I need to leave him alone? Is there any hope here for our relationship?


Dear Dianna,

You were just dating and it appears that he did not want at that point to make you a bigger part of his life.

It is very clear from his behavior that he is treating you as a casual dating relationship or a ‘friend with benefits’ to be precise. I can understand you being upset over him not inviting you to celebrate his ‘real’ b-day to which his friends were invited.

It is also clear that by not inviting you to hang out with his friends who are a couple he has demonstrated to you loud and clear that he does not want his friends to perceive the two of you as a couple.

Again, by choosing to stay at a hotel instead of staying with you he is showing you where you stand in your relationship. I understand him coming for work and his company’s paying for the hotel; nevertheless, he could have checked in and stayed with you if he wanted to. Yes, he said you were invited to spend the night at his hotel room; this is what men do also when they have a hooker entertain them while on a business trip.

Do you not see it?

What should you do? You ask.

My answer would be that you should do a reality check on your relationship. This is not what you want for yourself! You don’t want to be treated like a cheap hooker or swept under the rug. You want to have the security from knowing that the man you are with is truly dedicated to you and sees you as his future family and not just a sex toy!

Have you ever had anything like this happen to you?

Do you ever get blindsided and fail to see where you stand with a guy even when everyone else around you tells you the unbiased truth?

Do you want to know what really attracts a man on a deep emotional level and how to go from a casual ‘date’ to the woman he can’t live without and can’t bear to lose? Read This Page!

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7 Responses to “A Reality Check On Your Relationship Here Is How He REALLY Feels About You”
  1. Gina says:

    I dont think jumping the gun and assuming anything serious within the first two months of a casual relationship is fair to judge. Unless there was a conversation stating “exclusive and serious” then you have to play things by ear. If the coin were flipped and I were the guy, I probably would have been a little turned off by the emotional reaction and then the desperate attempt to make up. Personally I dont care for that kind of wishy washy emotional energy not to mention it feels unstable. It comes across as a little insecure to me and more than likely would be downhill from there and I’d be thinking “What next?”
    The story I’ll share is a little different from the one above, but did bring to mind some similarities.

    I dated someone on and off for over 3 years. He wined, dined and bought expensive gifts but I never took him serious because I saw him as a confirmed bachelor in a sports car seeking his next prey. In fact we were not intimate for the first time until 3+ years later.

    Our last dates (his initiation) were Christmas Eve & New Years Eve where his conversation consisted of us getting a house together, renting mines out, spending time with him mom and his talk of getting married. I have a short fuse and tolerance level when it comes to how I like to be treated so here’s what happened next……

    After being intimate for the very first time (New Years) he stated that he would call me the next day. He called two days later but went to my voicemail because I was not available to talk at the time. Because I dont like when people (especially men) make promises they dont keep, I politely returned his call 2 days later. I got his v/m, left a message and we havent spoken since.

    After a week I deleted his text messages and number. After a month I deleted myself from his facebook. His response? He deleted his whole FB account. Wow! I deleted my profile from an online dating site we were both on….. he in turn deleted his profile as well. Anyway….this situation could very well be another variation of the above storyline but… I’m not one to sulk or spend a lot of energy trying to make sense out of something like this. I stick to my guns in saying “They’re either interested or their not.” Of course because of the duration of my knowing this person there are a whole lot of other specifics to our equation. He also mentioned once that he felt he was putting a lot more effort into our relationship than I was. Also when men start talking about moving forward in a relationship I’m more of a listener than a “dive in head first” type of reactionary.

    Those $370 pink leather Harley Davidson special edition chaps he bought may end up on eBay after all. Anyway….didnt want to write a thesis but curious as to your thoughts on this.

  2. merrita says:

    I think the guy tried everything to show you that he just wanted to be casual until further notice and I guess,when you lost your cool about the hotel is scared him a bit and made decide you brobably had essues

    In future, just be cool about things until you see were things are going. guys do not like to be put underpressure. Give him a bit of space and let him come to you, and remember to be cool and not be emotional.

    Good luck (let me know how you get on


  3. Lilly says:

    Yes this has happened to me on three occasions, the first was with a guy who lived in a different country the second was with a guy who i was in a so-called relationship with for a year and the third was with a guy who was a single dad. I learned from those experiences however, i now know the signs a guy exhibits when he just wants to keep it casual and when he’s not ready to commit! i can now read between the lines with excuses and i am confident enough now to know when that offer is being thrown at me early on in the courting phase to leave it right where it is because i would love to be with a loving respectful man and i am no longer that desperate to accept any man!

  4. asd says:

    Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

  5. sue says:

    Hi I have been dating a guy for a about six months I met him on a chatline. He pursued me first and we very keen we dated he took me out a few times. Since then he told me he loved me and was serious but has stopped calling and keeps letting me down. I have been really hurt by him as I really fell for him he has told that someone he met before me said she was pregnant. This really upset me and has caused a lot of hurt and aurguments he has since tld me she was lying to get him to go and see her. He has told me that he dosnt want o be with her and it aws amistake but turned his phone off after going to see her.

  6. GOLDEN says:

    i was also involved with this guy for six months(since January).he introduced me to his father in April when he came visiting and the old man blessed and said he was waiting for us to go to him in marriage when we were ready.i have not slept with this man yet as am a virgin.i had told him i dont believe in sex outside marriage on our third date and he agreed to wait until marriage.my problem is he was sent on duty on a peace mission(he’s a police officer) for the last three months and the distance is taking a toll on our relationship.

    at first he would call and text me almost every three hours for the first one month.then i fell sick when he was around for two weeks and he spent that time by my side.when he went back to work his calls became less to two in a day , then sms only and now his phone is off.when he feels like it he says his missing me and that the network connection is poor and that i should know he loves me and just wait for him.

    i feel he is distant as he no longer shares what he is going thorough in the “bush”he says its hard being without me and he doesnt want to let me down every time he hears me saying i miss him.
    my guy is naturally every quiet, he doent share information about his life unless it cames out and he has to explain.when he was sent on this misssion,he just showed up at my work place telling me he was leaving for three weeks and that he couldnt bring himself to tell me he was leaving town. only to tell me again in an sms that its for two months and now ive just found out that its for another one month making it all four months.i have grown to love this guy but promises he makes to come home he keeps breaking,this is because he doent came clean on exactly when he is supposed to return.i know he has a duty to his country but i believe he should be able to tell me exactly what is going on in his life for me to undarstand and believe all the promises he keeps making.

  7. W says:

    Amiable post and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you seeking your information.

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