Don’t Make Him Your Priority If He Does THIS
I really like your advice articles and emails and I wanted to ask you a relationship question.
I and my boyfriend have been dating for four months. We have a good relationship overall except he has recently been a bit distant.
Don’t get me wrong; when we are together, everything is going great. But when we are apart he often forgets to call me when he says he will, and he doesn’t seem to want to see me often.
For instance, yesterday I called him twice without an answer. He called me back several hours later. He said he was relaxing at home and not really doing anything. When I asked him if he wanted to come over he sounded hesitant, said he’d have to think about it, and then he said he’d forgotten he was supposed to dog-sit for his neighbor who’d dropped off the dog at his house.
When I asked why he had to be at home to watch the dog he thought about it for a moment, and then said that he was actually also thinking about cleaning his house and working in the yard.
He went on a long explanation about why he had to work in the yard, and that he had to wait till later to do the yard work because he didn’t want to work in the heat.
I said he didn’t have to explain and that if he didn’t want to come over that was fine with me.
He called me again last night to say he was on the way home from a party at a friend’s house. He sounded like he’d had a few drinks. He told me he’d had fun at the party and reconnected with lots of old friends who happened to be there.
Here is my question; clearly, my boyfriend isn’t making me his priority. What should I do?
Thanks a lot for reading this! I look forward to hearing from you!
My response to Jeannette:
You are right about one thing; your boyfriend isn’t making you his priority.
It’s not a horrible offence to go hang out with the boys. Each person in a relationship should have their own life and separate interests.
What alarms me though is that when you asked to see him he didn’t tell you that he just didn’t feel like it; rather he came up with a number of lame excuses that ranged from dog sitting to cleaning and working in the yard. Really? He didn’t work in the yard and didn’t clean his house up until the moment he talked to you, and decided to do all that only after you asked him to come over? Also, those aren’t the things that can’t wait. Those aren’t time sensitive issues. If it was that important to him, he could have done it sooner. And if he hadn’t, he could do those things and then see you after, but he didn’t. He simply brushed you off without offering an alternative.
However, when an opportunity to do something truly exciting to him came up, he immediately forgot about the dog that desperately needed sitting, the yard work and the house cleaning.
So, if hanging out with you sounded as exciting to him, trust me, he would have dropped everything and came to see you, but he didn’t.
Sounds like you are making him your priority, while he is putting you on the back burner of his priorities.
What should you do?
I am not suggesting that you dump your boyfriend. But you can’t convince a man that he should make you his priority if he doesn’t want to. You can’t talk to him and apply logic that would make him want to take you and your relationship more seriously.
What you can do is to stop making a man your priority when he doesn’t make you his priority, and see how it goes.
Men don’t respond well to words, nagging and convincing. What they respond to is FEELINGS.
A man either feels it, or he doesn’t. When a man feels strongly about a woman, he doesn’t know why he feels this way. He just feels it, and there is nothing he can do to stop feeling a certain way.
Similarly, when a man doesn’t feel a powerful urge to be with you, he cannot change how he feels, but YOU can!
It’s within your power to change how a man FEELS about you!
Once he feels powerful urge to be with you as much as possible, he will drop everything to be with you every moment that he can.
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