What Men Say About THEIR Fear Of Being Hurt

Since I posted my article Is He Afraid Of Being Hurt? I have received some interesting responses from men.

One response specifically asked for my subscribers’ opinions.

It was from a man who shared his experience closely related to the topic discussed.

In this case, he is the one who is afraid of being hurt in a relationship with his girlfriend, and he wanted to share his story with my subscribers and get women’s opinions on what’s going on in this relationship.

Perhaps you are in a situation with a man who is afraid of being hurt. Or maybe you were on the receiving end of a situation such as his.

He would like to hear your thoughts on his situation.

We, women aren’t the only ones who are confused by the behavior of our partners.

Men, similarly to us, are often puzzled and want to know the reasons for their partner’s behavior.

Here is an email from this man who wished to remain anonymous, so for the purpose of this article we’ll call him Ken (not his real name).

He writes:

“Hi Elaine,

I stumbled across your blog looking for answers to my confusing situation with the woman I have been seeing for a couple of months.

When we first met she had just broken up with her ex boyfriend.

Her ex is a total loser who at the age of thirty doesn’t have a job and has been living with his parents ever since she kicked him out of her house.

She swore that she was done with this guy.

For two months our relationship was great. We were getting very close and I thought we were headed toward something serious.

I am at the point in my life where I am looking for my future wife. I am 40, I have two children who visit with me on weekends, have a stable job in the construction field and I am taking night classes at the local community college.

I have played the field long enough and am ready for a real relationship leading to marriage.

I really thought she was The One.

We had great connection and intimate conversations. We did all kinds of things together. We went to parties at her friends and at the country club where she owns a house.

I even started playing golf and tennis with her which was something I have never done before.

I even introduced her to my children (she doesn’t have her own children).

She is a beautiful woman and very successful in her professional career. But that wasn’t why I was with her.

What I liked about her was that she was very humble about the material things and her education and financial success. She also didn’t care about the fact that I am living in a studio apartment, drive an old truck and am taking night classes at the local community college to get my GED.

Despite our differences we were getting very close and got serious quickly.

After two months of dating she suddenly did a complete turn-around and announced that she was going to give her ex boyfriend a second chance.

After what she had told me about him I thought there was no way she would get back together with this loser.

According to her he treated her like crap and with complete disrespect.

I was very hurt and wanted an explanation. She said they had a history together and she couldn’t just throw it away.

After that, we were still talking, and she told me how her ex was acting after they got back together. To me it sounded like he was still treating her with disrespect.

But she was back with him, and I didn’t want to be a second fiddle. After a painful struggle I stopped calling her as my friends had suggested.

A week later she called me and said she was confused about what she wanted and wasn’t sure who she wanted to be with. She said she liked me and still wanted to date me and get to know me slowly (that was after we had an intense sexual relationship for two months! And suddenly she wants to take it slow?)

She said that perhaps there is someone out there for all of us (meaning that there was someone else out there for her, for me, and for her ex).

I don’t know what to do at this point.

I have very strong feelings for this woman and hope that we can work things out. But at the same time she is still seeing her ex and is not ready to break it off.

I hope that she will see that I am The One for her. My question is – Should I stick around hoping that she will chose me over her ex eventually?

I don’t want to get hurt again if she eventually chooses her ex over me.

I told her to figure out things with her ex and come back to me when she is ready to end it with him. I don’t want to share the woman I have feelings for with someone else.

I have deleted her phone number so I won’t be tempted to call her. My friends say that if I give her space she will realize what she’s lost and come back to me.

I think it may be a good suggestion, but at the same time I am afraid that if I stop contacting her she will think I’ve lost interest and never come back to me.

Women are so confusing and are impossible to understand.

I would really like to know what goes on in a woman’s head when she does something like this.

I appreciate your response and hearing from other women!

Basically, my question is, if you are a woman who does something like this, why do you do this and what is going through your head when you do this?

And also, I’d like to know what is the best course of action to take to get her back?

Thanks a lot for reading and your advice!

Ken”

I have responded to Ken in a private message which I will share on this blog in my next article, but now I would like to hear from other women reading this blog!

What do you think about this situation? Please do share by leaving a comment in the comment section down below!

You can share with article with your friends by forwaring this link to them by email or sharing it on FaceBook. To share it on Google+ click on the button in the top left corner of this page!

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Why He Does Not See You Are THE ONE For Him

Have you ever wondered why a man you are dating doesn’t want anything serious, or says he wants a serious relationship but is hesitant about taking YOUR relationship to the next level?

Sometimes what we want and what we NEED are two different things.

I’ll give you an example:

Have you ever been attracted to a bad boy who didn’t treat you the way a woman should be treated in a relationship?

You know this is NOT what you need, but you can’t help it, because he is what you WANT.

Men are the same way; they often THINK they want something; but this is NOT what they need.

They can be attracted to women who are wrong for them; and ultimately end up in crappy unfulfilling relationships with women who are WRONG for them, not knowing that YOU can offer so much more and a BETTER quality relationship!

Have you ever been attracted to a man you would do anything to be with but instead he wanted to be with some bimbo-bitch who was not good for him at all?

What can you do if the men you meet and date fail to see YOU as THE ONE?

Read this page – > 

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Why Men Disappear When They Get Overwhelmed By Emotions

Have you ever experienced a man disappear on you after your relationship seemingly took a turn for something more serious than just casual dating?

Have you ever felt that your man was totally smitten by you, but he disappeared without any explanation?

Have you ever tried to talk to a man who became distant and withdrawn only hear him say “I don’t know what is wrong but I just feel differently” or “I am just not sure what I want” or “I don’t know if I am ready for a relationship right now?

If you have, you are not alone. In fact, many women have experienced something similar in their lives.

So, why do men sometimes turn around completely and go from madly in love to being unsure about how they feel about the relationship?

I am going to help you solve this mystery right in this article so you’ll never again will have to live through all the anxiety of having a man disappear on you for no apparent reason.

When a woman first meets a man, the dynamics of a new dating relationship is pretty straightforward – the man is pursuing the woman, the woman is accepting the man’s advances.

At this time he is actively seeing her out.

The woman is pretty confident in herself knowing that she is being sought after. She enjoys the man’s attention and adoration.

As time goes by however, the woman begins to like the man more and more. This is when she begins to question how he truly feels about her.

She starts asking herself, “is it serious about me?” “Does he want anything more than casual dating?” “Where is this relationship going?”

Not knowing the answers she feels more and more unsure about where the relationship is going. She becomes anxious and loses her composure.

She turns from a confident self-assured person into an insecure, uncertain, needy girlfriend who needs validation and reassurance on a level that’s much higher than what she is getting from her man.

He still likes her, but he starts to sense that something has changed about her, and he can’t put a finger on it, but he is feeling as if she was somehow different. And not in a good way.

We all know that the Number One quality men find irresistibly attractive in women is confidence. But being unsure about how the man feels about their relationship makes her confidence level plummet.

She becomes overly emotional, acting sometimes moody or upset. She becomes unpredictable in a way she is acting. Some of the man’s actions or words are perceived in a way that makes her upset, not talkative, and even makes her want to cry.

On the other hand, the man does not understand her emotions. All he knows is that she used to be a confident, self-assured person who was a lot of fun to be around. Now he starts seeing her as a needy, insecure, overly emotional girlfriend who is burdened by negative emotions.

Men aren’t intuitive as women when it comes to emotions. They don’t understand them as well as we do, and they certainly don’t want to deal with something they can’t relate to and identify with.

Men find emotions overbearing, and the only solution they can find in this situation is to step completely out of it, because this is all they can do. Men prefer removing themselves from the situation rather than dealing with something they can’t explain or solve.

If you have ever found yourself in a situation similar to this, and the experience described here is familiar to you, there is still a chance you can fix your relationship gone sour because of your insecurities, get the man who walked away interested in you again with renewed passion, solidify your existing relationship with your man, or even prevent this situation from happening in the future.

All you need to do is learn how to become more confident with men by utilizing the confidence tips you will find on this page ==> Confidence Advice For Women

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We Broke Up Because He Did Not Want Commitment What Can You Do To Get Him Back

If you are in a casual dating relationship and you want to take your casual relationship to committed I have great news for you – YOU CAN take your casual relationship to commitment effortlessly when you know the secrets to going from a casual dating to commitment. I get a lot of emails from women who ask me how to make a man take a relationship to the next level of commitment. Read this email below and my response to it and you will learn something new about men and commitment that you probably did not know before!

Hi Elaine,

I am wondering if you give me some advice.

I want your opinion as to what i should do in my situation, as I made some big mistakes when we first broke up.

We were together for a year, but it was rocky. We were on/off, and I felt him pulling away from me/distancing himself at times. He has a lot going on in his life – work, a child to his ex, gym etc… this made finding time together difficult, but when we were together, things were great. I love this man, dearly. Towards the 12mth mark, i started asking him about the future and further commitment (we were exclusive, but I wanted to move in together, or at least discusss it) and he backed away completely. I didn’t handle it well at all, freaked out and we had massive arguments. Tears, anger, frustration.. the works.  Then he ended it, saying that he “can’t be in a relationship” right now, and can’t give me what I want. I was devastated, and still am. I stupidly tried to get him to reconsider, but he is adamant that he needs time for himself, and could not commit to anyone at all, and doesn’t want to let me down.

Is there no hope in this situation, since i basically begged him to stay with me?! I don’t know how to proceed. I considered writing to him in a couple of weeks and saying ‘thanks for taking the courage to end it, I appreciate the time to myself as well”, so that there isn’t such a power inbalance between us, but I don’t know whether to do that, or just cut all contact. He has texted me a couple of times since the break up (just a week ago) asking if I am ok, checking in etc, but I haven’t responded.

Is there anything else I should be doing to get him back and make him commit to me??

Thank you so much,
Jane

Dear Jane,

Truth is, when a man wants to be with a woman he will do anything to keep her around. It appears that your ex was in for a good time, but when you started talking commitment he became withdrawn and broke up with you.

Can you get him back? That’s a question you are asking yourself.

The reason you broke up in the first place is because your goals for the future did not match up. You wanted commitment; he did not.

If you want a secure committed relationship you should be with a man who can give you commitment. If a man cannot give you commitment you have two choices to make; You can either move on and find a commitment-oriented man, or you can encourage your man to want to commit to you.

Encouraging a man to commit has nothing to do with begging, pleading and convincing. Just because you are exclusive with a man this does not mean you are in a committed relationship.

In order to encourage a man to commit, you have to understand how a commitment process works for a man.

In my book Guide To Commitment I show you how to go from a casual dating relationship to a secure committed relationship and marriage. You will also discover the one most important thing that must be present in your relationship for a man to want to commit to you.

When this one thing is present, he will want to make you his wife. You will be the only one he wants to be with and the one he wants to keep forever.

If you want to learn what that one thing is, and how to take your relationship from a casual dating relationship to commitment and marriage I encourage you to read Guide To Commitment!

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Why Men Go Hot and Cold 3 Reasons Why Men Go Hot and Cold

I get a lot of emails from confused women asking me why men go from hot to cold, back and forth, so I wanted to write this article to explain the three main reasons why men will go hot and cold, confusing you in the process by such inconsistent behavior.

The number one reason men will blow hot and cold is that the woman herself starts acting too pushy too early on and pushes him away. When a man you are dating hasn’t decided yet he is ready to commit to a more serious relationship with you, and you already hear the wedding bells in your head, the emotions you project during your dates and the things you say to him make it transparent that you are looking for a relationship that is more serious than what he is currently offering you.

In this situation you need to re-assess your own behavior and how you come off. If you are finding that after a heartfelt confession on how much you like him he is pulling away, you’ve just scared him off. Take the time for his feelings for you develop with the same intensity before he makes a commitment to a serious relationship.

The most important thing to remember is that it has to come from him.

Reason number 2 men blow hot and cold is that they often need time to process their emotions and need a little readjustment before taking a plunge to make a more serious commitment to the woman in his life.

You may find that after spending a fabulous weekend together he doesn’t call you for three days or immerses into his work.

Don’t worry and give him time. Sometimes after smelling roses for a couple of days a man will want to get back to pursuing his goals. He may get scared that spending romantic time on the beach will take over his life and leave nothing else, so he will want to jump into work just to feel like nothing has changed and he is still the man he was before he met you.

Lastly, reason number three why men blow hot and cold is that he wants to keep you in his life but doesn’t want to commit to you completely. He starts pursuing you when you pull back out of fear to lose you entirely, but when he feels that he is back in the comfort zone in which there is no threat that you will leave him, he goes back to the cold mode.

Astonishingly in studies that I talk about in Guide To Commitment which were done on unmarried couples, majority of men currently living with their girlfriends said they did not want to marry their girlfriends because they didn’t see them as their soulmates. Those men also identified what they’d consider their soulmates and the kind of woman they’d commit. You can learn more about it on This Page – Click Here To Read!

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How To Get This Relationship Back The Way It Was

Has your relationship gone sour? If so, you are not alone. Many folks can relate to this.

Here is a message I got on my blog from a guy. He wants to hear from my subscribers who are women as to what they think about this situation. Please read this story and leave your comments in the comment section down below.

He writes:

I am a man 50 yrs old, I have been in a relationship with the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my entire life for a little over a year now.The first 4 months were crazy with intimacy, desire and the true feeling of love. She told me early on how much see wanted me in her life forever. I in time said I wanted her the same way. Then, boom, she broke up with me… I stayed away and had no contact for about 6 weeks, she called me and we started back up where we left off. It was great for months again, I stayed at her house half the week at her request. Then, again she broke it off, never really giving me a reason. Again I stayed away, with no contact for two months, she called me back, started right where we left off again. We were having a great time, all was good…and then again after 4 months, she broke it off again. I did the same thing again, no contact for about 3 weeks when she called me back again.

This time though she has kept the relationship more as a booty call, she will ask me to come over, we have a terrific time for the evening, and most of the next day, she has a hard time letting me leave. If I call her to see how she is doing, the call is short and sweet, If I ask to meet her, she puts me off, then in a few days calls to have me over.

I am perplexed, I know she loves me because she shows me and tells me Im the best guy she has ever known and that she loves me. Now I dont know what she wants in our relationship. If I ask her she moves away from the topic and tells me she doesnt know what she wants and what to do….

What do you think about all of this, she knows I want her, what advise can you give me, I want her involved in my life and I want to be involved in hers. How do I bring her back the way we were?

 Peter

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Emotionally Unavailable

If you are looking for information on emotionally unavailable people and emotionally unavailable men in particular you’ve come to the right place. Most of the articles you find on this blog are dedicated to commitment and relationships, and with that said, emotionally unavailable subject comes up frequently throughout this blog.

Emotionally unavailable people do not always admit that they have difficult time settling down with one person, so I recommend that you read this article that gives you a perfect example of emotionally unavailable people including emotionally unavailable men and emotionally unavailable women as well.

I have received a whole lot of emails from you guys in response to my previous article on Dating Unavailable Men and I wanted to share one of them here because I think this situation is something many of you can relate to, so here is the email:

Hi Elaine,

The title of your article Dating Mr. Unavailable caught my attention. I am dating a guy who is unavailable – both emotionally and physically, and I wanted to ask for your opinion. You can share this email with other women as I’d very much like to hear what others think about this situation as well.

We met through mutual business connections; I am an executive at a fast-growing technology startup and he is a CEO of a tech company.

Several months ago when we met he asked me out and we went on a few dates. He was calling and texting a lot trying to make plans but essentially bailing out and re-scheduling or cancelling a couple of dates due to his sudden last minute schedule changes, so we only went on a handful of dates with most of our communications taking place through texting or emailing.

He travels all over the country and pretty much all over the world for work, and often his plans change on a last minute notice. In a short time that we dated he had to switch plans on me two times at the last minute, so I told him to take a hike.

Several months later we bumped into each other at a business event and he asked if he could call me to talk about some business ideas. I said yes thinking that it would be strictly business. He didn’t call but emailed a couple of days later apologizing for not calling and explaining that he’d been very busy, which I didn’t really react to because at that time I was well over whatever the initial feelings I had started developing for him when we went out.

Long story short, sometime later I hear from him again and he talks about some business ideas I wanted to hear more about. I jump at the opportunity and offer to meet, and sure enough he has some interesting ideas.

Our business lunch went well over the initially allocated time. We went to a concert he invited me to and had drinks afterwards. I really liked his touch and affection (like holding hands, etc.) so I decided to go with my feelings and take advantage of him being there for the moment as it had been a while for me.

The sex was good and I asked him if he was seeing anyone to which he said no, so I asked him jokingly if he wanted to be my booty call. He kinda laughed at it and said I’d be HIS booty call. I said that with his crazy travel schedule I wasn’t sure he could fulfill my requirements as I would be interested in seeing someone on a somewhat regular basis and he swore that going forward he only had a few travel plans and he was planning to be in town for the most part.

He kept in touch regularly after that and for the next month or so we had sporadic dates which included going to a party he invited me to, dinners, drinks, hikes, but mostly texting and emailing with him traveling all over the place again. We both have children which makes it even harder to make time to see each other and I feel like he is always squeezing me in between his meeting, airports and conference calls. I appreciate him modifying his plans to make sure I get what I want, but I always feel that he is still not at my beck and call as I am also busy and when I get a free moment I call him and it turns out he is in meetings or is out of town. Then he calls me or texts me to probe me on my schedule and if I don’t respond the same day he goes ahead and makes other plans.

Due to this unpredictability I told him I do not want to hear from him asking me about my schedule if he himself doesn’t know what he is going to do. He told me that he thought it would be nice to make plans in advance and this was why he texted me several days in advance, but I told him to figure out his plans firm before asking me about my plans. Last time I saw him he asked me what days of the week my schedule was open and said he would be making plans according to this.

Now, Elaine, my question is, should I give this relationship a shot or should I move on? He has agreed to see me on my schedule and on my terms, but I don’t see that it’s feasible given his schedule. I read your article Mr. Unavailable and I feel that it applies to me – I am definitely not his first priority but the last. I have many pursuers and my common sense tells me he is not capable of giving me what I need. I like him the most, but I feel that I myself draw a line as to how far emotionally invested I get with him.

Thanks,

Lesley

Hi Lesley,

From what you are telling me I can say that not only your guy is emotionally unavailable but you yourself are unavailable without even realizing it. You draw a line as to how far you get invested, and you want the guy to be on your beck and call and on your schedule. It sounds like you have a clear understanding of what you want, and you draw a line as to how far you will go. It sounds more like a business proposition than romance to me.

Perhaps the reason you are attracted to unavailable men is that you are emotionally unavailable yourself. You know what you want, and it sounds from what you are saying that you don’t really care about who will give you what you need.

While it may be what you are looking for, if you desire to find and attract true love you can’t approach dating people with the mindset that you want it black and white. There are many shades of dating; it’s not always on your terms; there is a compromise, a mutual desire to make it work.

It’s good to be clear as to what you want; when you are clear with the men you date as to what your expectations are, you are saving yourself a lot of trouble by weeding out people who cannot in the long run meet your requirements. If you truly liked the guy you would be willing to compromise if he was willing to compromise and meet you in the middle.

It sounds like he is a pretty busy guy; I don’t know if he is truly emotionally unavailable or is just unavailable physically in terms of physical presence in the area, and the time that he can allocate to a relationship with you or dating you for that matter.

But the true problem is with this relationship is that you are not opening up to a possibility to have a relationship with substance, and thus I recommend that you keep your own expectations low.

If he made promises to you I’d keep him accountable for the promises he’s made. If he can’t be accountable for his word and cannot follow through it sounds like you have no problems moving on.

Sincerely,

Elaine

Now, I want to hear from you guys, what do you think of this situation? Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever been involved with a man or a woman for that matter who is emotionally unavailable? Do you find yourself emotionally unavailable? Share your thoughts!

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Overcoming Commitment Phobia How To Overcome Commitment Phobia The Easy Way

Overcoming commitment phobia may sounds like a difficult thing to do. If you or your partner suffer from commitment phobia, overcoming it can certainly seem like a challenging task. But fear not because in reality it’s not that hard to overcome commitment phobia when you know the causes of commitment phobia in an individual. This article will help you overcome fear of commitment or help your partner overcome his anxiety.

One of the causes of commitment phobia that needs to be addressed here is fear of uncertainty. Often we get too comfortable in our own routines, thus making a change may bring about fear and anxiety. This is the easiest form of commitment phobia to overcome. In order to overcome this cause of commitment phobia all you need to do is to reassure your partner that making commitment to your relationship will not impose significant changes to his lifestyle and habits.

Sure, making a marriage commitment is a big change in one’s life, no doubt about that, but showing to your partner that making a commitment to you does not mean that he will have to part ways with the things that he loves is one way to reassure your partner that he will still be able to enjoy the things he loves in marriage.

Another reason people have anxiety over commitment is that they have been burned before that don’t want to repeat mistakes they made before. This cause of commitment phobia is not as easy to overcome as the previous one, but it is certainly possible. I have addressed this reason for commitment fear in one of my previous articles which you can read at How To Make a Commitment Phobic Change – Click Here To Read!

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Commitment Issues In A Relationship Why Men Do Not Commit

There is a certain necessity and requirement to know whether a person intends to commit in a relationship or not. This is important for everyone involved in the relationship. The worst thing in the world is to be in love and devoted to a person that will not commit to you and is not willing to make that ever important commitment in a relationship. This can lead to a variety of negative feelings and emotions.

There are times when people enter into a relationship with false hopes. They may believe that their partner is honest when they say that they want to be in a committed relationship. However, somewhere throughout the relationship that partner changes their mind and decides that perhaps a long-term, fully committed relationship is not for them. This can lead to a great deal of frustration and unhappiness. The person that is committed will begin to think that they are just wasting their time in the relationship and that it will go nowhere and nothing will be gained. People that cannot commit may have this problem for a variety of reasons.

The number one reason that people cannot commit is due to an emotional issue which could be something in their past. This could be something that has caused them emotional damage. They cannot get past this bad experience and they may have fear about trying to deal with this and get over it. They cannot trust anyone, especially within a relationship as long as they have these feelings and this hurt that they are harboring. The past must be dealt with before a person can ever have a meaningful relationship or a future with anyone. If this is not done, there will be continual hurt and pain that will manifest itself into any relationship they enter into.

Other people that do not commit are merely involved in a relationship as a way to have someone in their life while they are searching for something better or more suited for them. They are always looking at members of the opposite sex even when they are in a relationship. They do not care if their partner is with them or sees them doing it.

This type of behavior is extremely disrespectful and despicable for anyone. These types of people do not feel that they are with the person that they belong with. However, they are settling for a lesser relationship until they find something better that comes along in front of them.

People of this type should be avoided at all costs by those looking for a committed relationship. These people are truly afraid of commitment. People that desire that lasting relationship and find themselves with a person afraid of or unwilling to commit, they may find that they are unhappy, brokenhearted, and that they are always disappointed by their mate. These commitment seeking individuals have to make a decision as to whether they want to continue to stay with the person they are with or end the relationship and cut their losses.

Sometimes, the easiest way to know where a relationship will go is to be up front from the very beginning. Before you get seriously involved in a relationship, spend some time with the prospective partner. Talk between yourselves and be open and honest. Find out how both of you feel about a possible long-term relationship and about a commitment. This can prevent any false hopes or problems later on with confusion over what the relationship involves.

If your man is reluctant to commit to a serious relationship and marriage, Read This Page ==> How to Make a Man Commit

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How To Make a Man Open Up – Make Your Guy Excited About Opening Up and Talking To You

We all have things in our lives that affect our mood and our state of happiness. Sometimes you will notice that your boyfriend is bothered by something but he isn’t as open as you’d like him to be.

Men, unlike women, when bothered by something will want to go into their cave and hide away. They prefer to work on the solution to the problem alone until it is resolved.

As a wise woman you don’t want to keep bugging your guy with questions that only irritate him more. And you don’t want to offer solutions, because offering your man solutions will only make him feel less of a man.

A wise woman knows how to get a man to open up and talk to her in a way that is non-threatening in which he will be receptive to talking and opening up.

Deep down inside men want to be heard and understood, but continuously asking him questions such as What’s Wrong? Is Everything Ok? Will not bring him closer to you.

The worst thing you can do is to assume that the reason he is not talkative is that he is having second thoughts about you. Nine times out of ten the reasons for his silence and moodiness have nothing to do with you or your relationship. But it can be aggravated by you asking him questions he doesn’t want to hear.

So, if your man goes into his cave and wants to be alone, chances are, things in his life are a little rough right now. Don’t add insult to injury by asking him questions that will provoke anger or upset him. Learn how to communicate with your man in a way that will make him excited about opening up to you. Read This Page to learn the secrets to making your man open up to you!

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