Why Men Go Hot and Cold 3 Reasons Why Men Go Hot and Cold

I get a lot of emails from confused women asking me why men go from hot to cold, back and forth, so I wanted to write this article to explain the three main reasons why men will go hot and cold, confusing you in the process by such inconsistent behavior.

The number one reason men will blow hot and cold is that the woman herself starts acting too pushy too early on and pushes him away. When a man you are dating hasn’t decided yet he is ready to commit to a more serious relationship with you, and you already hear the wedding bells in your head, the emotions you project during your dates and the things you say to him make it transparent that you are looking for a relationship that is more serious than what he is currently offering you.

In this situation you need to re-assess your own behavior and how you come off. If you are finding that after a heartfelt confession on how much you like him he is pulling away, you’ve just scared him off. Take the time for his feelings for you develop with the same intensity before he makes a commitment to a serious relationship.

The most important thing to remember is that it has to come from him.

Reason number 2 men blow hot and cold is that they often need time to process their emotions and need a little readjustment before taking a plunge to make a more serious commitment to the woman in his life.

You may find that after spending a fabulous weekend together he doesn’t call you for three days or immerses into his work.

Don’t worry and give him time. Sometimes after smelling roses for a couple of days a man will want to get back to pursuing his goals. He may get scared that spending romantic time on the beach will take over his life and leave nothing else, so he will want to jump into work just to feel like nothing has changed and he is still the man he was before he met you.

Lastly, reason number three why men blow hot and cold is that he wants to keep you in his life but doesn’t want to commit to you completely. He starts pursuing you when you pull back out of fear to lose you entirely, but when he feels that he is back in the comfort zone in which there is no threat that you will leave him, he goes back to the cold mode.

Astonishingly in studies that I talk about in Guide To Commitment which were done on unmarried couples, majority of men currently living with their girlfriends said they did not want to marry their girlfriends because they didn’t see them as their soulmates. Those men also identified what they’d consider their soulmates and the kind of woman they’d commit. You can learn more about it on This Page – Click Here To Read!

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How To Get This Relationship Back The Way It Was

Has your relationship gone sour? If so, you are not alone. Many folks can relate to this.

Here is a message I got on my blog from a guy. He wants to hear from my subscribers who are women as to what they think about this situation. Please read this story and leave your comments in the comment section down below.

He writes:

I am a man 50 yrs old, I have been in a relationship with the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my entire life for a little over a year now.The first 4 months were crazy with intimacy, desire and the true feeling of love. She told me early on how much see wanted me in her life forever. I in time said I wanted her the same way. Then, boom, she broke up with me… I stayed away and had no contact for about 6 weeks, she called me and we started back up where we left off. It was great for months again, I stayed at her house half the week at her request. Then, again she broke it off, never really giving me a reason. Again I stayed away, with no contact for two months, she called me back, started right where we left off again. We were having a great time, all was good…and then again after 4 months, she broke it off again. I did the same thing again, no contact for about 3 weeks when she called me back again.

This time though she has kept the relationship more as a booty call, she will ask me to come over, we have a terrific time for the evening, and most of the next day, she has a hard time letting me leave. If I call her to see how she is doing, the call is short and sweet, If I ask to meet her, she puts me off, then in a few days calls to have me over.

I am perplexed, I know she loves me because she shows me and tells me Im the best guy she has ever known and that she loves me. Now I dont know what she wants in our relationship. If I ask her she moves away from the topic and tells me she doesnt know what she wants and what to do….

What do you think about all of this, she knows I want her, what advise can you give me, I want her involved in my life and I want to be involved in hers. How do I bring her back the way we were?

 Peter

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Emotionally Unavailable

If you are looking for information on emotionally unavailable people and emotionally unavailable men in particular you’ve come to the right place. Most of the articles you find on this blog are dedicated to commitment and relationships, and with that said, emotionally unavailable subject comes up frequently throughout this blog.

Emotionally unavailable people do not always admit that they have difficult time settling down with one person, so I recommend that you read this article that gives you a perfect example of emotionally unavailable people including emotionally unavailable men and emotionally unavailable women as well.

I have received a whole lot of emails from you guys in response to my previous article on Dating Unavailable Men and I wanted to share one of them here because I think this situation is something many of you can relate to, so here is the email:

Hi Elaine,

The title of your article Dating Mr. Unavailable caught my attention. I am dating a guy who is unavailable – both emotionally and physically, and I wanted to ask for your opinion. You can share this email with other women as I’d very much like to hear what others think about this situation as well.

We met through mutual business connections; I am an executive at a fast-growing technology startup and he is a CEO of a tech company.

Several months ago when we met he asked me out and we went on a few dates. He was calling and texting a lot trying to make plans but essentially bailing out and re-scheduling or cancelling a couple of dates due to his sudden last minute schedule changes, so we only went on a handful of dates with most of our communications taking place through texting or emailing.

He travels all over the country and pretty much all over the world for work, and often his plans change on a last minute notice. In a short time that we dated he had to switch plans on me two times at the last minute, so I told him to take a hike.

Several months later we bumped into each other at a business event and he asked if he could call me to talk about some business ideas. I said yes thinking that it would be strictly business. He didn’t call but emailed a couple of days later apologizing for not calling and explaining that he’d been very busy, which I didn’t really react to because at that time I was well over whatever the initial feelings I had started developing for him when we went out.

Long story short, sometime later I hear from him again and he talks about some business ideas I wanted to hear more about. I jump at the opportunity and offer to meet, and sure enough he has some interesting ideas.

Our business lunch went well over the initially allocated time. We went to a concert he invited me to and had drinks afterwards. I really liked his touch and affection (like holding hands, etc.) so I decided to go with my feelings and take advantage of him being there for the moment as it had been a while for me.

The sex was good and I asked him if he was seeing anyone to which he said no, so I asked him jokingly if he wanted to be my booty call. He kinda laughed at it and said I’d be HIS booty call. I said that with his crazy travel schedule I wasn’t sure he could fulfill my requirements as I would be interested in seeing someone on a somewhat regular basis and he swore that going forward he only had a few travel plans and he was planning to be in town for the most part.

He kept in touch regularly after that and for the next month or so we had sporadic dates which included going to a party he invited me to, dinners, drinks, hikes, but mostly texting and emailing with him traveling all over the place again. We both have children which makes it even harder to make time to see each other and I feel like he is always squeezing me in between his meeting, airports and conference calls. I appreciate him modifying his plans to make sure I get what I want, but I always feel that he is still not at my beck and call as I am also busy and when I get a free moment I call him and it turns out he is in meetings or is out of town. Then he calls me or texts me to probe me on my schedule and if I don’t respond the same day he goes ahead and makes other plans.

Due to this unpredictability I told him I do not want to hear from him asking me about my schedule if he himself doesn’t know what he is going to do. He told me that he thought it would be nice to make plans in advance and this was why he texted me several days in advance, but I told him to figure out his plans firm before asking me about my plans. Last time I saw him he asked me what days of the week my schedule was open and said he would be making plans according to this.

Now, Elaine, my question is, should I give this relationship a shot or should I move on? He has agreed to see me on my schedule and on my terms, but I don’t see that it’s feasible given his schedule. I read your article Mr. Unavailable and I feel that it applies to me – I am definitely not his first priority but the last. I have many pursuers and my common sense tells me he is not capable of giving me what I need. I like him the most, but I feel that I myself draw a line as to how far emotionally invested I get with him.

Thanks,

Lesley

Hi Lesley,

From what you are telling me I can say that not only your guy is emotionally unavailable but you yourself are unavailable without even realizing it. You draw a line as to how far you get invested, and you want the guy to be on your beck and call and on your schedule. It sounds like you have a clear understanding of what you want, and you draw a line as to how far you will go. It sounds more like a business proposition than romance to me.

Perhaps the reason you are attracted to unavailable men is that you are emotionally unavailable yourself. You know what you want, and it sounds from what you are saying that you don’t really care about who will give you what you need.

While it may be what you are looking for, if you desire to find and attract true love you can’t approach dating people with the mindset that you want it black and white. There are many shades of dating; it’s not always on your terms; there is a compromise, a mutual desire to make it work.

It’s good to be clear as to what you want; when you are clear with the men you date as to what your expectations are, you are saving yourself a lot of trouble by weeding out people who cannot in the long run meet your requirements. If you truly liked the guy you would be willing to compromise if he was willing to compromise and meet you in the middle.

It sounds like he is a pretty busy guy; I don’t know if he is truly emotionally unavailable or is just unavailable physically in terms of physical presence in the area, and the time that he can allocate to a relationship with you or dating you for that matter.

But the true problem is with this relationship is that you are not opening up to a possibility to have a relationship with substance, and thus I recommend that you keep your own expectations low.

If he made promises to you I’d keep him accountable for the promises he’s made. If he can’t be accountable for his word and cannot follow through it sounds like you have no problems moving on.

Sincerely,

Elaine

Now, I want to hear from you guys, what do you think of this situation? Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever been involved with a man or a woman for that matter who is emotionally unavailable? Do you find yourself emotionally unavailable? Share your thoughts!

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Overcoming Commitment Phobia How To Overcome Commitment Phobia The Easy Way

Overcoming commitment phobia may sounds like a difficult thing to do. If you or your partner suffer from commitment phobia, overcoming it can certainly seem like a challenging task. But fear not because in reality it’s not that hard to overcome commitment phobia when you know the causes of commitment phobia in an individual. This article will help you overcome fear of commitment or help your partner overcome his anxiety.

One of the causes of commitment phobia that needs to be addressed here is fear of uncertainty. Often we get too comfortable in our own routines, thus making a change may bring about fear and anxiety. This is the easiest form of commitment phobia to overcome. In order to overcome this cause of commitment phobia all you need to do is to reassure your partner that making commitment to your relationship will not impose significant changes to his lifestyle and habits.

Sure, making a marriage commitment is a big change in one’s life, no doubt about that, but showing to your partner that making a commitment to you does not mean that he will have to part ways with the things that he loves is one way to reassure your partner that he will still be able to enjoy the things he loves in marriage.

Another reason people have anxiety over commitment is that they have been burned before that don’t want to repeat mistakes they made before. This cause of commitment phobia is not as easy to overcome as the previous one, but it is certainly possible. I have addressed this reason for commitment fear in one of my previous articles which you can read at How To Make a Commitment Phobic Change – Click Here To Read!

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Commitment Issues In A Relationship Why Men Do Not Commit

There is a certain necessity and requirement to know whether a person intends to commit in a relationship or not. This is important for everyone involved in the relationship. The worst thing in the world is to be in love and devoted to a person that will not commit to you and is not willing to make that ever important commitment in a relationship. This can lead to a variety of negative feelings and emotions.

There are times when people enter into a relationship with false hopes. They may believe that their partner is honest when they say that they want to be in a committed relationship. However, somewhere throughout the relationship that partner changes their mind and decides that perhaps a long-term, fully committed relationship is not for them. This can lead to a great deal of frustration and unhappiness. The person that is committed will begin to think that they are just wasting their time in the relationship and that it will go nowhere and nothing will be gained. People that cannot commit may have this problem for a variety of reasons.

The number one reason that people cannot commit is due to an emotional issue which could be something in their past. This could be something that has caused them emotional damage. They cannot get past this bad experience and they may have fear about trying to deal with this and get over it. They cannot trust anyone, especially within a relationship as long as they have these feelings and this hurt that they are harboring. The past must be dealt with before a person can ever have a meaningful relationship or a future with anyone. If this is not done, there will be continual hurt and pain that will manifest itself into any relationship they enter into.

Other people that do not commit are merely involved in a relationship as a way to have someone in their life while they are searching for something better or more suited for them. They are always looking at members of the opposite sex even when they are in a relationship. They do not care if their partner is with them or sees them doing it.

This type of behavior is extremely disrespectful and despicable for anyone. These types of people do not feel that they are with the person that they belong with. However, they are settling for a lesser relationship until they find something better that comes along in front of them.

People of this type should be avoided at all costs by those looking for a committed relationship. These people are truly afraid of commitment. People that desire that lasting relationship and find themselves with a person afraid of or unwilling to commit, they may find that they are unhappy, brokenhearted, and that they are always disappointed by their mate. These commitment seeking individuals have to make a decision as to whether they want to continue to stay with the person they are with or end the relationship and cut their losses.

Sometimes, the easiest way to know where a relationship will go is to be up front from the very beginning. Before you get seriously involved in a relationship, spend some time with the prospective partner. Talk between yourselves and be open and honest. Find out how both of you feel about a possible long-term relationship and about a commitment. This can prevent any false hopes or problems later on with confusion over what the relationship involves.

If your man is reluctant to commit to a serious relationship and marriage, Read This Page ==> How to Make a Man Commit

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How To Make a Man Open Up – Make Your Guy Excited About Opening Up and Talking To You

We all have things in our lives that affect our mood and our state of happiness. Sometimes you will notice that your boyfriend is bothered by something but he isn’t as open as you’d like him to be.

Men, unlike women, when bothered by something will want to go into their cave and hide away. They prefer to work on the solution to the problem alone until it is resolved.

As a wise woman you don’t want to keep bugging your guy with questions that only irritate him more. And you don’t want to offer solutions, because offering your man solutions will only make him feel less of a man.

A wise woman knows how to get a man to open up and talk to her in a way that is non-threatening in which he will be receptive to talking and opening up.

Deep down inside men want to be heard and understood, but continuously asking him questions such as What’s Wrong? Is Everything Ok? Will not bring him closer to you.

The worst thing you can do is to assume that the reason he is not talkative is that he is having second thoughts about you. Nine times out of ten the reasons for his silence and moodiness have nothing to do with you or your relationship. But it can be aggravated by you asking him questions he doesn’t want to hear.

So, if your man goes into his cave and wants to be alone, chances are, things in his life are a little rough right now. Don’t add insult to injury by asking him questions that will provoke anger or upset him. Learn how to communicate with your man in a way that will make him excited about opening up to you. Read This Page to learn the secrets to making your man open up to you!

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Why Men Dump Women

Do you know a sure-fire way to get dumped by a guy?

There is one certain way to drive your man further away – a woman who will never shut up!

Sure, we all love the attention…

We want to feel heard…

We love to talk about our feelings… and relationships….

And if you talk endlessly about your relationship, he will be certain to leave you very soon….

In fact, this is one of the biggest complains I hear from men ….

‘She just never shuts up…. she wants to talk about our relationship all the time…. that’s all she talks about…. ‘

And if you bring up the subject of where this relationship is going, want to ‘work’ on the relationship, or want to discuss your relationship in the hopes to make it better….’ this will magnify tenfold…. and as far as men can see, this is ALL you talk about ALL THE TIME….

And it may not feel like it to you, but he will think that all of your conversations end up turning onto the path of discussing your relationship!

Men don’t want to ‘work’ on the relationship…

They want to feel like the relationship is unfolding naturally, without pressure and ‘talking’, or ‘working’ on the relationship. If it feels like work, he will not get HIS needs met in this relationship.

He already has a job…. and he doesn’t need to feel like he has to work at home!

He wants to feel your femininity. He wants to feel comfort and safety at home.

If you become emotionally unstable around your man… if you are happy one day and upset with him the next… he will be sure to leave the relationship in which he feels like he has to walk on eggshells…

A man will NEVER commit to a woman with whom he constantly feels PRESSURE… and if you are making him walk on egg shells, ask yourself, have I noticed that he became withdrawn? And if the answer is YES… even if you are in denial… the TRUTH is that he may be on his way out!

If you go through emotional mood swings every time he is around you, he will be sure to NEVER commit to you.

And when I talk to men who are happily married, they all tell me that their current wifes had never brought up the subject of ‘where this relationship is going’….

It came naturally… and he must be the one to decide that he wants to marry you… even if you have decided that a long time ago!

As long as you understand the process of commitment, and how it grows and becomes a REAL commitment….

… and if you have already read my Guide To Commitment, you already know the biggest complaint that men have about women…. what kind of a woman men want to commit to, and how to trigger the hidden psychological triggers to make him WANT commitment naturally, without pressure and ultimatums, and how to get him lifetime commitment by simply understanding how the path to commitment works!

As long as your relationship is developing toward spending more time together, making plans and keeping them, establishing a solid foundation to lasting love and connection…. you are right on the path to commitment.

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The Truth About Storybook Romance

We love romance novels and chick flicks. The reason for it is simple – we want to have that love in our lives, but because we don’t yet have it, we love watching movies and reading books about what we don’t have.

It’s almost like an escape from the reality.

But the truth is, we all want to be a part of the fairy tale. So, what’s stopping you from finding it in your own life?

Perhaps you are single and looking for the right man, or are dating a man but you don’t feel that the level of connection between the two of you is what you are looking for in an ‘ideal man’. Or you may be in love with a man who doesn’t share the same level of emotional involvement as you do.

What can you do to change it? You’ve been reading lots of romance books; they all end with a happy ending. How come you can’t have that happily-ever-after in your own life?

The truth about romantic books is that most of them will tell you a love story of two people who fantasize about each other, and set on a path to find each other, connect and be together. But the fairy tale ends as soon as they ARE together. It doesn’t tell you what happens afterwards. It doesn’t tell you all the typical problems and disagreements that couples experience once they are together.

Learning how to deal with disagreements, learning the art of communication and learning how to understand your partner better is something that they don’t teach us in school. And once the fairy tale ends, we are often stuck looking for answers to our common relationship questions and problems.

One of the things you can do to improve communication with your partner is by putting yourself in his shoes and asking yourself, what would I not like or what would I want to improve in our relationship if I were him? How does he perceive what I do? And by doing so you may discover what will be an epiphany to you.

You may start understanding something that you had no idea about by simply putting yourself in your partner’s shoes.

Such role reversal game is something that you should do periodically just to keep in check.

Try this exercise: Remember something that took place recently in your relationship. Perhaps it was a moment when your partner seemed withdrawn. Now, picture the situation with reversed roles – what was it that directly preceded this? What were you two doing or taking about? And think how this same situation could have been seen from the other person’s perspective. Than if you find that you would have acted the same if you were him, identify your mistakes or areas of improvement and when the timing is right, let your partner know that you understand how he perceived the same situation and if necessary apologize.

Don’t be defensive and try to explain things and your actions. Simply admit that you were wrong and that you have now realized how the same situation was seen by your partner. Say it and drop it. He will respect you a lot more if you admit your mistakes and are determined to improve, than if you continue denying them.

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How To Make Your Boyfriend To Open Up More

Have you ever felt frustrated because your boyfriend doesn’t open up and communicate what’s in his mind and the things that may bother him? Have you ever found yourself puzzled when he seems angry and withdrawn but won’t talk?

Men don’t like to talk about their problems nearly as much as women do, and tend to withdraw when they encounter problems until they resolve them. And if the problem remains unresolved, the man will remain withdrawn and slowly pull away from the relationship.

If this happens often, chances are that he will end the relationship at some point. And if he is the kind of a man that doesn’t open up easily, just like most men, he probably won’t even say that he wants to end the relationship; he will simply stop calling you.

Before this happens you need to step in and learn how to communicate with your man and how to get him to open up to you.

If you want to get your man to open up more, try these tips and note how much your communication with your man will improve.

1. Use open-ended questions.

An open-ended question is one that prompts the other person to answer in his own words. An open-ended question is one that starts with what, why, how, etc. An example of an open-ended question is: what kind of things do you like to do? This kind of a question opens the doors to the other person to brainstorm and to talk about things he likes.

In a relationship, you can use an open-ended question to ask, for instance, How should we spend the next weekend? or Do you like to do anything fun this weekend?

When you are encountering problems in a relationship, you can use similar types of questions to discuss the problems and to get your man to open up. For instance, you can ask him, What was the best thing that I did for you? This kind of a question can give you a lot of insight into his mind and give you guidance on what are some things that he wants you do start doing more of.

To learn more about how to communicate with your man in a positive way that will help you two grow closer together, go to http://talk-to-men.com

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Why Independent Women Can’t Keep a Man

 If you have been following the latest trends, reading all kinds of women’s magazines and listening to you girlfriends giving you advice on how to have a relationship with your man, you know that men like independent women.

But ironically, a woman’s independence is one of the major contributors into relationship break ups.

How could that be?

See, the reason we unwittingly drive a man away is by being independent, not showing emotions in a healthy way and being aloof, as if not needing a man.

But what makes a man attracted to a woman is how she makes him feel.

And a man most of the time won’t tell you this, but he will keep track of the things you say and do.

He wants to know that the woman he is with makes him feel important.

And if he can’t feel important around her, why be with her?

Men are driven by accomplishments and success. If you are with a man, he wants to know you need him because this will show him that he is important.

So, how can you be independent and still show him that you need him without being overbearing or needy?

It’s the little things that count.

Men want to be able to add value to your life. If you can talk to him about something you don’t really understand, for instance, how to fix some minor things in your car, how to fix your stereo system, where to take your can for a break job, a good place to shop for hardware, why your computer is acting up, and many other things that you may very well know but he doesn’t necessarily know that you don’t need his help with them, he will be glad to show you and to help you.

Always appreciate when he does something for you, even if you know that you could do it better.

Don’t tell him, oh thanks but no thanks, I can do it myself…. if he wants to help you, let him.

This is how you can maintain your independence and still show him that he is needed and important.

On the flip side, do not EXPECT things from him, and don’t take him for granted. If you put it out there that you need some help moving furniture and he doesn’t offer his help, don’t expect it from him and don’t ask. If he already knows that this is something you are doing, and yet fails to offer his manly hand, perhaps you should re-consider if he really is the guy for you.

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