He Lied About His Age Is It a Deal Breaker

August 7, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating Tips For Women

It’s easy to be dishonest in your dating profile and there are some folks who fully take advantage of the anonymity of the Internet dating.

Some of the biggest lies I have encountered on dating sites is exaggerating the height, embellishing the income, and lowering the age by as much as 10 years!

While body type is subjective, and what one perceives as athletic and toned appears to be big and beautiful to another, or slim to one can mean average to another, the age is really what it is – if he is born in 1965 that makes him 45 years of age, not 37 and not 42; forty five!

How hard is it to do the math?

It could be very frustrating to find out that the man you’ve been seeing in the hopes to marry him one day and have a bunch of kids together is in reality 52 and not 42 as you had hoped.

To me, if a guy is dishonest upfront, this is a serious red flag. If he lies about things like his age, to me it means he has no qualms about not being completely honest. Maybe to him it seems like a minor embellishment; to me it indicates that the person cannot be trusted. Even if he lies about his age by 3 or 2 years.

There are things you can do to minimize the potentially harmful effects of deception. For instance, prior to meeting in person you can request a picture of the driver’s license e-mailed to you to verify the age. If you have talked via e-mail and on the phone and got to know each other a little, you should not feel discomfort asking about a copy of the driver’s license. If he has nothing to hide he will not have any problems sending it to you.

Men understand that women are cautious on dating sites. If he’s got something to hide he will refuse, or even get pissed off at you. In this case you know you’ve just saved yourself time and simply move on.

In my book Find Your Future Husband I give you lots of great tips on how to do your own homework and investigate the truth about a man you meet on a dating site before you get too invested in him and to avoid potential heartbreak, so check it out Here>>>

Is it a deal breaker when you find out he’s lied about his age?

Can you forgive someone who’s lied to you once or does it mean to you that he is a pathological liar and that’s what’s expected going forward? Or will you dump a guy and not look back when you catch him?


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Comments

15 Responses to “He Lied About His Age Is It a Deal Breaker”
  1. Elizabeth says:

    Yes, for me it is a deal breaker!

  2. Debbie says:

    I met a guy worse than that unfortunately and wasted 5 years of my life that guy not only lied about his name, but he lied about his sexual history about having a sexually transmitted disease and intentionally failed to use protection and lied to me about that too. He was 7 years older and in the end I told him to f off and go contract aids and die as he constantly lied to me over the nearly 5 years. He made a promise once to me and he made such a big deal, when I did go to him once to take him up on his promise he lied to about that too that was the deal breaker the rose coloured glasses came off and I realsied who I was dealing with A CREAP.

  3. p says:

    Hi Elaine!

    I do have a personal question for you which might be something that will also help other woman who probably have had the same experience. You may share but I would appreciate not using my name.

    Last night I met an interesting man who lives in Chicago…..We talked and flirted for several hours. He then kissed me and asked to spend the rest of the evening together. I told him I had work the next day and had to call it a night but could we get together another time. He actually got angry & said NO….He did not even ask for my number!! It was sort of shocking in that he seemed so taken by me, and even said this hasn’t happened to him in ‘a very long time.’ My question is, which I really know the answer to I guess, is obviously we are never under obligation to sleep with a man we have just met, and secondly if they are serious about getting together again, then they will ask for our number or even make tentative plans ? By saying No which I did nicely, I guess I learned quickly he obviously was interested in the classic ‘one night stand’ which is a personal choice anyone can make.
    I am one too old for that now and two, am very cautious about sleeping with a man I have just met………My exact question is, by saying no, and showing sincere interest to see him again, did I do the right thing in finding out the truth? Which was all his compliments and interest was just bait ………..If a man is really interested it’s not rocket science they will pursue us…….The reason I am writing is this has happened alot ………where men have been very intent and interested but either don’t ask for my number or if they do don’t call or will call then not call again………….I must be meeting alot of the wrong people lately or maybe I am responsible for this kind of communication or the lack of…….

    I was shocked that this man was so aggressive and put off by not giving into spending the rest of the evening together……..there were many things he could of done……asked to have breakfast in the morning or lunch etc……Anyway, thank goodness I learned very quickly he just wanted to fool around and would not of been available even to date !!! I guess men will say just about anything to any woman to get them to sleep with them…..you would think I should know this by now!!!! I have been wondering though, that since I still have not healed from the relationship I wrote you about 4 months ago and am still inlove with that person, I must be without knowing it sending that signal out…………Yes, I am still inlove with him and miss him very much…….It’s terrible I know but true. I suppose even other men are picking something up as thick headed as they even can be. Your feedback would mean alot and I am always interested and learn alot from your insight…

    Thank You for your valuable time.

    • admin says:

      Hi P,

      I’ve omitted your name for privacy as you’ve asked.

      The travelling/vacationing guy wanted to get some action. He is not interested in dating you. Probably married too looking for some out-of-town affair/one night stand.

      Good thing you found out soon.

      Elaine

  4. Ewa says:

    Dont worry about him.he is rubbish.

  5. Sita says:

    I guess I am not as harsh as you about this – it would not be a deal-breaker up to maybe 5 or 6 years. I think some people are insecure about their age, and it doesn’t make them habitual liars. Someone can tell the truth about their age and still be a liar about other things. Someone can lie about their age and still be honest about everything else. So I guess I’d evaluate on a case-by-case basis.

    What about a woman lying about her age? We know that women are judged more harshly than men when they are older. I’ve known several older women (over 40) who’ve knocked a few years off their ages, both on and off line. Generally, they tell the man early on so as to clear the air. And in my mother’s day, it was considered rude to ask a woman her age.

    • admin says:

      I agree it’s rude to ask… but on a dating site that seems to be one of the ‘must-answer’ questions.

      Yes, it is a case-by-case… but from my experience if a man lies about one thing, there is a whole closet of skeletons hidden…

      Way back when before I was married for the first time, I personally met a guy who lied about his age by two years… seems like not a lot…

      …ok, we go out and on one of our dates he decided to cook dinner for me…

      guess what?

      Right when the dinner was served and the wine was poured… his pregnant ex girlfriend pops up!

      Yes, they were broken up… BUT.. HE DIDN’T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT IT…

      …and what kind of a character does this man have??

  6. sun says:

    If that was the only thing he lied about – it’s ok (if I’m into him).
    If I see a pattern of lies and deception in his character, then I’ll cut.
    Lying about the age when you get older can be considered ok in my opinion, because some people are ashamed of their age.

  7. Gina says:

    Dating sites are not solely in question here. Men (and women) lie about them selves even when meeting someone in person the traditional way. My take on this is… if you’ve lied about this or that, what else have or will you lie about?

    One guy stated he lied about his age because he wanted to attract women in a certain age group and it didnt matter once they met him face-to-face when he finally divulged the truth (54 and not 49 yrs old – alrighty then). He also felt that because he listed himself as “divorced” on his profile when he in fact was still going back and forth for almost 5 years in divorce court (still married, right?) that it shouldnt matter to the next woman he met. In actuality he was dragging his divorce out from being finalized in hopes of his estranged wife hopefully changing her mind and returning home to him (go figure).

    Regardless of folks fabricating their weight, age, height and marital status…. its up to you to validate the facts and to cut off the relationship or any future dates and as an adult honestly letting them know why. I think its only fair to let someone know why you’re not interested and moving on when closing the door in a relationship.

    Going into a relationship wearing rose-colored glasses and ignoring the false advertisements and lies truly sends the wrong message to anyone who then has the right to keep leading you astray with other prefabricated misconceptions about who and what they are. There’s no such thing as a great relationship starting off based on a lack of honesty and integrity. Simply a “No-Win” situation for both parties in the long run (unless you’re willing to lie like a rug and be walked on).

    My sister claims that (men) when they’re talking they’re lying but I’d like to give anyone the benefit of the doubt before prejudging. One thing women fail to immediately do when dating someone is to “listen.” At the beginning of a courtship most men are so intent on trying to impress you, they start blabbing about everything under the sun while still in their comfort zone.

    If you just sit back and listen they’ll spill their guts out with facts about themnselves and details that will tell you everything you need to know about who and what you’re dealing with while they’re still seeing you as a “friend” and not yet a “girlfriend” or “lover” they no longer need to impress or open up to.

    Its up to you to take it or leave it. You settle for less, you get less. I dont adamantly lie to men but if theres something I dont feel comfortable talking about, I dont mind diplomatically letting them know its none of their business at that stage…. especially when a relationship is still in its casual stage of developing.

  8. cna says:

    Terrific work! This is the type of information that should be shared around the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post higher!

  9. you says:

    hi i am really thinking this out actually, all the internet and dating stuff
    it justs gets the female all hurt. If i am not wrong alot of girls are hurt by these guys but try to act tough and move on. girls are just on a losing end. and ever since the age of the internet dating. frivolous and rude behaviours happens more. however, i think guys are sometimes just as confused
    . I have been thinking is there a social system we can really come up with , to diffuse and educate this kind of behaviour. In the past, there are so much standards put up with. and there is such amount of trust that can be given and within it happiness. ??

  10. Gina says:

    This is not purely a “guy thing.” I know plenty of male friends who have met women for the first time via online dating sites and frequently state their frustrations are with women posting pictures 10+ years younger than their current age (and looks) and/or showing up on the first date 50lbs+ heavier than they’ve admitted. One risk in that kind of falsehood is typically there’s never a 2nd date that comes out of it, so…………..if you dont love who and what you are, more than likely no one else will either.

  11. Kay says:

    I met this guy over the christain network site. It was like we were made for each other. We dated for about 8mo. and then decided that we would meet for the first time. We live in different states. I fly to meet him and it was like falling in love with him all over again. I spent 9 wonderful days with him and then fly back home. When i got back it was 2 days before i heard from him. And he has beed distanct every since. He told my mother that i was more than he excpected. He thought I was bigger and and just the plan Jane. Well everyone that knows me knows I not plan. And he LIED about his age. He is much older than what he told me I found that out when i got there. He said that he was going to introduce me to all his friends well i met no one but his girl cousins. We went a lot of places and did a lot of things he ack like he was into me. So what happen why is his not interested anymore.

  12. Candace says:

    I have been friends with a guy for years so now we are dating. He found his ID which says he is 12 years older than I. This a deal breaker because I do not like older men ANYMORE. I would like to have a man I can grow old with. Now I understand why he calls me immature now but yet I have been giving and helping. Which, raises another red flag that he is that age and still not financially stable (if I do date older I prefer him to be two steps ahead of me). I see so much in him as fair as having a family, having nice careers together, nice home, money, and success. But, another red flag is he is old fashion and he wants a woman to wait on him hand and foot. Cook, clean, and tend to kids. I’m am at a point were I am not chasing that I would like to make a difference in the world and be a strong career woman. Even if I do settle down I do not want a man ripping and running me and he has been doing a lot of that. I do not know what to do but my 30th birthday is approaching and I need to make a decision. I desire marriage and he is ready for marriage and children NOW too. He has also stated that if I do not be the one then some other women will. It is scary because I would not like being alone, still a single mother. and only a career woman.

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