He Pulls Away and What To Do When He Pulls Away

April 6, 2012 by  
Filed under Commitment

Perhaps you are in a relationship with a man who is starting to pull away from you and you don’t know how to react when he pulls away. Or maybe you have started dating a guy and things were great in the beginning, but you are feeling that he is pulling away from you, and you aren’t sure why he is starting to pull away and how to change that.

This article will explain why men pull away from women even when things are seemingly going great, and what to do when he pulls away to avoid most common mistakes women make that drive their men even further away!

First of all, let’s look at how a man will act when he pulls away from you. You probably have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, but you want to make sure your intuition is right, so you have a lot of questions about the signs that a man pulls away and are looking for reasons behind his behavior.

The first reason why men pull away, and probably the most common, is that a man will pull away from a good relationship when he is starting to get closer.

This happens more often than you think, and if you ask your female friends whether they are familiar with and have been in a similar situation before with the men they’ve dated, you will probably hear lots of similar stories.

What most of those stories will have in common, however, is that each and every time a man pulls away from a woman, the woman won’t even know what to do and how to act. The feeling that starts to kick in is the feeling of urgency.

The woman feels that something is not going right, and she starts doing the things that make a man pull even further away. The most important thing to know here is that it’s not how fast you act or react, but what are the things you should do in this situation to ensure favorable outcome.

In this article I want to warn you about the mistakes you may be making right now with your man, so you can stop making those mistakes immediately, or avoid making them entirely.

But first, let’s look at the sure-fire signs your man is pulling away from you.

Perhaps in the beginning of your relationship your man was overly attentive. He was calling you several times a day just to say hello or to hear your voice.

He asked you out and planned wonderful dates that you both enjoyed immensely. You know he loved your company and couldn’t get enough of you.

He used to put everything on the back burner just to spend that extra hour with you, and he wanted to be near you every waking moment.

You had incredible chemistry, a powerful connection that was above and beyond the simple physical attraction.

Perhaps you had some talks about where your relationship was going and he was always the one initiating the serious talk.

He told you how beautiful you were, how much he cared about you, how wonderful he thought you were, and how happy he was to be with you.

He told you that you made him very happy, and that you were the woman he had been looking for his entire life.

Or maybe he didn’t actually say those words, but his action and that look in his eyes was all you needed in order to see and feel how deeply he cared about you.

You knew he was in love with you. Your bond was so strong and powerful that it seemed it could never be broken.

You told all your girlfriends about your wonderful new boyfriend. You were proud of him, as he was about you.

And when you were together, your connection was electrical. You could just feel chemicals flowing in your entire body, and when he kissed you, it was magnificent.

But then it started happening. All of a sudden he got busy with work. He didn’t call you nearly as much, and at times he entirely forgot to call you even when he said he would.

He promised he would call, but then he didn’t, and those instances of him conveniently forgetting to call you became closer and closer together.

You started panicking. You were upset. You called him and inquired about why he didn’t call you or why he had forgotten you two had made plans.

And then he gave you a cold shower. Perhaps we snapped at you. Perhaps we berated you for prying into his business. Or maybe he just said he was busy, and acted as if it was none of your business where he was, what he was doing, whom he was with, and why he didn’t call.

He could even tell you he just didn’t feel like calling. And you knew right there and then, and since he didn’t feel like calling you, the thought of you simply didn’t cross his mind.

He hasn’t broken up with you, but the times you see each other are less and less frequent. And it seems like the only time he calls you, or returns your phone calls are when he wants sex from you.

And you want to know what it is that you did wrong that caused him to pull away.

On this page I am going to answer this question, and not only that I will help you steer in the right direction to finding a solution to this problem.

One of the reasons he pulls away after getting close is that he feels suffocated. Men do this often, especially men who are overwhelmed by their feelings.

See, men, unlike women are not used to experiencing, and especially showing strong feelings. A feeling of love is absolutely intoxicating. When a man is suddenly overwhelmed by it, he leaves his comfort zone. He doesn’t know how to react, and most importantly he starts being afraid that this overpowering feeling of love can actually take over, and threaten his goals.

He suddenly pushes you away and becomes distant, trying to fight this newfound feeling of love. And if you make any of the most common mistakes women make with men when the men pull away, you are going to push him to the edge.

Instead, you should allow your man to get back into his comfort zone, so that he will get his perceived freedom back, and starts missing you.

When he starts missing you he will begin calling you again and asking you out. But that doesn’t mean that you have to rush into things, grab onto the next opportunity to see him that presents itself.

Remember, men need balance between the closeness and their space. When you achieve that perfect balance, no man will ever want to leave you!

Another situation is when a man pulls away completely, stops calling you, and doesn’t return your phone calls or text messages. If you have found yourself in a situation such as this, you may be thinking that you need to find a way to get him back when he pulls away.

You may have only one questions, which is what do to do get him back after he has completely pulled away. The first and foremost thing you should do in this situation is leave him alone. I know it may sound counterproductive, but believe me, this is the smartest thing to do.

Most men will want to hear from you again, which means that after a while he will be giving you a call. And when he does, you must be prepared to handle your first conversation.

Be prepared to go with the plan to get your man back into your arms after he starts coming around. Know what to say and do to get him back and keep him.

Before you are ready to hear from your man, identify the areas in your relationship which you will need to improve or work on. I know it sound like you are the one doing all the work, but trust me, once you learn step-by-step what to do, getting your man interested in you again will become a breeze.

Generally, when a man pulls away he doesn’t know exactly why. Something is missing as far as he is concerned. But as a wise woman you will know what it is that he isn’t seeing in a relationship, and how to give him exactly what he needs in order to make him never want to leave you again!

Generally, I can say that there are certain things a woman who keeps a man from pulling away has to demonstrate to a man. There are like ten pillars on which the foundation of love and a good relationship stands.

This short report will give you a brief overview of the ten things or ten ways to make a man fall in love with you. And a woman who can trigger powerful feeling of love will get any man she wants.

Now, it will depend on how good you are at following through with this advice, but I am giving you a blueprint to start with!

When you get this free report on ten things that make a man fall in love, follow the blueprint and tell me in the comment section how your relationship has changed.

You will also receive our periodic relationship advice and tips by e-mail, so go ahead and get this free report on Ten Ways To Make a Man Fall In Love – Click Here>>>

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23 Responses to “He Pulls Away and What To Do When He Pulls Away”
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  15. Adriana says:

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  16. Araceli says:

    i met a guy in febuary at a bar. we had a great conversation. that night he text me and told me he has a girlfriend and hopes this is not an issue for me. well that night we were on the phone for two hours. the gf situation did not bother me because i am recently seperated and i am not looking for a commitment. any way we went out on two dates. the second date we kissed. then he said he would call and didnt. about 5 weeeks later i called him just to catch up. we were on the phone for 30 minutes. well anyway, i bumped into him again at the same bar. he spotted me right away and we went to a motel that night. he text me later on that day to ask how i was feeling. i text him back, then he said he would call later. about two days passed and i text him a joke. he text back lol and how are you. then i called him. he answered and we spoke about that night. no drama talk. we were laughing about it. then he said we should do that again sometime. i said can it be before my vacation is over. he asked me when is it over. i told him sunday and he said he would try for sunday. well sunday came and went. no phone call or text. i do not want him for anything more but sex. but i dont want to seem to eager. do you think he will call me and when he does what should i do or say? btw after our last conversation i texted him another joke a few hours later. they were sex jokes.

  17. Dominga says:

    My situation may describe one of those downs of the relationship fortune wheel. I still remember though how enjoyable it was for me at times.

    Well, not Last Thursday when we met (his name is Maher), and I fell sick due to work stress during our date and I felt awful. He was somewhat attentive but when he had his guests over he had to give up on me. So I just packed and left home.

    I sent a text message “I feel awful for falling sick on our date:(”

    He didn’t respond.

    He called me Saturday morning and talked briefly to me asking how I was. I sensed that he was not happy calling me, like he was embarrassed!

    He didn’t call all week, I was ill all the time and on Tuesday I sent him a text message “I feel sad, like am extra, I was sick all week and I miss u”. He called after an hour and we chatted about me and he recommended I go see a doctor.

    He called again on Thursday and told me he had to work and that we shall meet at 6 p.m.

    I wasn’t all that well, nonetheless I went. (it was our designated date day).

    To cut the story short, his behavior was less than favorable, I could tell that he was tense and he said it was a familial issue and refused to talk about it.

    We went to the party early. I said to him that I would like to spend some time with him and he insisted that he wants to go and was very irritated with me. He said he feels suffocated and wants to have fun. He even proposed to go without me and come back in an hour. I said if it is one hour only then I will go with him.

    I wore a jacket over my clothes and he said:what is that you are wearing. Why do you have to wear it?

    Me: It is cold. Why? is it not nice?

    He: no it is not, go to closet and get one of my jackets.

    Me: are you saying that that anything in your closet looks better than this one?

    He: Yes, anything in my closet looks better than this one?

    Me: why? what is wrong with it?

    He: it is ok, as you like. (now he is irritated).

    Me: I kept my jacket on, then he asked me to wear a certain pair of slippers that he likes and I did.

    I am telling you this, because this is one of many times before he would insist that I change my clothes. This time I couldn’t understand his reason on my own and he wouldn’t tell me, so I kept my grounds.

    He was almost totally ignoring me the whole time. No attention, no concern. So I started focusing on the men who were appreciating me.

    It worked. We stayed until almost 11 30 at night, by then I was beat. I kept my attention on those who were interested in talking to me. We all went back to his place, he called me away from one of his old friends, I could tell that he didn’t want me to be with him that long.

    We had few minutes alone and we had this conversation:

    I: Maher, why are you distant all week?

    He: when I am focused at work I can’t think of anyone even my son.

    I: what about after work?

    He: I am focused on the next day.

    I: don’t you miss me?

    He: I do but I am not the kind of a man who would simply call a woman to say hey, how are you, what are you doing?

    I: what about when I want to call you?

    He: I won’t listen, I would be lying to you if I said I would. This has been an issue with my ex. She says that I am selfish and I say maybe. but this is not about you. It is who I am.

    He hugged me and we ended it there.

    My heart sank and my head throbbed and I stayed in the bedroom to collect my thoughts. He came pretending to look for something and asked me what was wrong with me. I said I am going to pray.

    I called my taxi and stepped out to leave, when he saw me he was seeing out a friend. His friend said: oh, you are leaving Maher so early?

    I: well, he left me all day. Maher’s face fell!

    Friend: Maher why are you mistreating this lady? Maher may believe that if he ignores the women he draws her closer.

    I: well it won’t work with me.

    Maher said something about his friend but I could tell that he was upset now.

    The friend left and he said: Baby isn’t it early?

    I said: It is 12 30 and I am tired.

    He: ok call me when reach home.

    On the way home I sent him a text message “I am an old fashioned woman. 1 in 10 million at this time and age. I thrive and bloom when I get enough attention from my man and I wither when I don’t.

    I got no response, I never called him. Next day I felt devastated. Maher changed his profile relationship status on facebook to “it’s complicated”.

    When we first dated he described as “Open relationship”. I never asked him about that. Even when I ended it for three months he didn’t change that.

    I feel let down and I am in disbelief.

    I impulsively changed my status on facebook from “in a relationship”, to “no longer listed as in a relationship”/ (no info).

    I must say last Thursday was not fun at all. Every time I meet a new friend of his I hear “what do you want with this guy, he is no good”.

    I could see the pain in his eyes every time.

    I called him again on Monday (we have been dating for almost six months) and told him that I wouldn?t be able to make it to the biz meeting because I don?t feel emotionally ready to see him. He was somewhat baffled but then said: OK.

    I asked: don?t you want to know?

    He said he is going to a meeting and we can chat online if you want in the evening. I was invisible online, he never came online he never called, or sent me a text message. Neither did I.

    He never called on our usual date. Yesterday I got tired of all this so I turned off my mobile and decided to move oh while secretly hope that he didn?t go away for good.

    I bought your book today and I am not boasting but I doubt that he will ever find my match in his life time. I feel it and I believe it and I trust that he knows that too.

  18. Anita says:

    I have been living in U.S.A for 3 years and this is the second time that I am dating an American guy. Last semester I had an English class and I was so attracted to my English proffesor who is more than 15 years older than me. Eventhought he did’nt say anything I knew he was interested on me. Finally a few weeks after last simester he text me and said: Let’s have a dinner next week.I’ll be in town next week. Will call.” but he did not. I text him a few week after that and said:” You have been in my mind, just thought I would say hi. he responed to my text 3 days after that and apologized. He said he’s been so busy because his mom has been sick and he wants to see me in my earlieast convinence. We went out 3 times after that and everything was perfect.He was texing me after each date to tell me ” I miss You”or other romantic texet like “Can’t wait to see you again.” After the thierd date he text me to say he wants to make love with me. My response to his tex was: ” Wow, that was so unexpected and he said that I have’nt been paying attention. The day after that I asked him to help me with my paper and met him in his office and after that I told him that I want to have a serious conversation with him and just because I am not comfortable in his office I’ll talk to him later. Since that day I have’nt heared from him. I saw him at college last week and he started complaining about his life and being so busy with work and other things. I staied at coolege last week after my class to study and get ready for my midterm tests but this was just an excuse to be in that place and get a chance to see him again.Every time I am studying in college he walks there to get my attention but last time I was pretending that I did’nt see him.He does’nt call or text me and I’ve never tried to call or tex hi

  19. Elisabeth says:

    I have been seing this guy who works for the same organization that I do (in different countries). I have known him for close to 3 years and we have stayed in touch via phone (we call each other it is not one sided) and I have been able to visit him 3 times since my work enables me to travel to his location more. He was going through a divorce when I met him and it started as pure friendship. We started talking on phone for hours on end with him discussing his problems and me providing him an ear. We talked about lots of things not just his sour marriage. Second time we met our friendship turned intimate. Before I left he did tell me that he didn’t think that he could handle a long distance relationship. I told him that it was too premature to start talking about a relationship since he had not been divorced yet but I understood his point. He kept in touch and we met again a third time. This time he was divorced (18 months). We spent two weeks together. We connected on a higher level. He mentioned that he wanted to come and visit me in my part of the world this year and we agreed on a month and date. I was quite surprised when he said he wanted to visit me since he had previously stated that he couldnt handle a long distance relationship. He said alot of things that any woman would take to mean a growing relationship however I have learn’t to take things one day at a time. He stayed in touch with me for about a week and half after I returned home and then suddenly went quite. I called him once and sent an email once but have received no responses. I have made no further contact. I know that he is atleast alive because I see professional email communications that involve him.

    I know that he is looking for a job right now as his branch will be closing soon but other than that I am not aware of any other issues he maybe having. Any advice?

  20. Ediane says:

    my boyfriend is pulling away! what do i do? please help me! I want to know more what to do to pull him back… many thanks

  21. Mo says:

    Thank you for your info – I have definitely picked up something new from right here. My question is, how do I handle a disappearing guy? After not hearing from him for several weeks he sent me a text saying “Hi. Sorry not to respond sooner. i quit my job a few weeks back and it all got very messy. Been back and forth to the states…hasn’t been fun, still not resolved. Apologies for not calling back.”

    So, a few hours later i text back saying “hey no problems – poor you with job and hope something good comes from it. It’s crazy everywhere at the moment. hang in there and maybe we can catch up when things get a bit more under control. take care of yourself okay.”

    Then wihtin a mintue he responded with “I am hoping it is a good thing as i quit but they are making it difficult for me to leave!”

    So I worte straight back with “Argh, it’s never easy – hope you get the right solution out of it!”

    How to play it now? I really want him to ask me out again and to see him but doesn’t look likely does it? He has had ample opportunity now,no? How can I get his attentions back? M feeling is if we see each other, he will recall the conneciton we had but right now he is shutting it out.
    Can i do anything now or is it out of my control?

  22. Brenda says:

    i really appreciated every single details here. thanks for posting!

  23. Diana says:

    Hello! I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I am definitely enjoying every little bit of it I have a question for you.

    I am a 21 year old female, and in late November of last year I began communicating with a 28 year old male on e-Harmony. After talking for several weeks, we went on a date in December. It went well, but I had to go home for Winter Break. We could not see each other for a month, but continued to talk on the phone a few times a week, with him initiating communication.

    During this time talking, he set up a date with me in January, and asked me to go to Maine with him to a wedding. We were happily dating from January to mid-February. (This is a long distance relationship, with a driving distance of about 90 miles.) On February 13th he had his bday and asked me to come see him the night before and see him on the afternoon of his bday. He wanted me to leave mid-afternoon, though…because his good friend and friend’s girlfriend were coming to see him and they were all going out. He said he wanted a “guys’ night out.” This really just sounded to me like he wanted to spend the evening stag with a couple. I went to see him but left early the next day and told him I was upset that he would ask me to come and then leave to hang out with a couple.

    He left the country for about 6 days, and when he came back he wanted to see me. I told him I needed him to apologize to me for how he acted and for hurting my feelings (I was really hurt that he did not want to see me at all on Valentine’s Day.) When he saw me a few days later, he came dressed up, brought me an orchid, and wanted to take me out. We had a nice time……but I didn’t really feel better. The next day he called and said he was coming into town in a week for work and would like to see me. He refused to stay with me, however, saying he wanted to stay in a hotel. “But that I could stay with him in the hotel.” I felt like this was really weird, since I had routinely spent the night at his house when I was invited to go see him.

    So, I freaked out and broke up with him. The next day, I texted him and said I was really sorry and that I had overreacted. I called him, left a message saying the same thing. I heard from him a few days later in a text. He said that he had been thinking, and that we shouldn’t see each other because he didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated to should be. I asked him if we could discuss this fiasco, and he agreed. But as he was on a Bachelor party weekend across the country, we waited about four days to talk.

    When I called him to talk about this situation I had created, I apologized, took the blame, said I had acted like a crazy person, and asked him if he thought we could still date. He said he did, and wanted to see me that week. So when he came to town, we had dinner and watched a movie. It went fine. He said we might be able to see each other on Friday or Saturday.

    I asked him if he would like me to drive to see him on Friday, and he said he had been “debating it” because of his work schedule..but that I was “of course invited.” I ended up going to see him, and again, everything went fine. After I left on Saturday, though, I thought about my time with him and realized he had been disengaged. He seemed reluctant to engage in conversation with me….He just seemed quiet.

    I was driving to see my family (an 8 hour drive) from his house, and about 6 hours in I decided to call him and ask if he was okay. He didn’t pick up. And didn’t call me back.

    That was last Saturday. On Monday I sent him a text asking if he had had a good break from work, and he said it was fine, but that he hadn’t gotten enough done. He also, however, said that he hadn’t forgotten about our deal…(a deal that if I told him my favorite “parts” about him, he would tell me his favorite parts about me.) So he responded, but he didn’t ask me anything. Again, a refusal to engage. I haven’t heard from him since the text on Monday. I sent him a text yesterday saying that “I hope you had a good day,” but I have not called or emailed him.

    I am not sure what to do at this point. I think I am in between the scenario of “We went out on more than 3 dates over a period of a month or 2 and then he stopped calling” and also “Why didn’t he call after we got back together following a break-up?” I feel like he is evaluating our relationship-but I am worried that he has decided not to see me. I am also worried that because of my past psychotic behavior, too much pressure will make him run screaming.

    What is your advice? Do I call him…It’s almost been a week since we have talked…Or do I need to leave him alone? Is there any hope here for our relationship?

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