How a Commitment Phobic Got Married
Do you want to know if commitment phobics finally commit to marriage? You bet! Here is a true story of a man who was a commitment phobic and who is now happily married for more than two years.
Several years ago I got into a minor fender bender accident and I needed a lawyer. James, a lawyer living in my town who took my case, was a typical commitment phobic.
Divorced, with two kids and insane hatred toward divorces, marriages and his ex wife who drove him nuts by not allowing him to see his children he swore he’d never get married again.
At that time he was dating Betty, his girlfriend who was divorced with two kids.
His kids were boys; her kids were girls.
Betty had a hot body and a beautiful face. They had a relationship for a year and a half and she was pushing for marriage.
James loved Betty but he did not feel like marrying her. In fact he swore that he did not want to get married because of his prior bad experience with divorce and also because he thought that bringing another woman into his life would jeopardize his custodial arrangements with his kids.
If you know anything about California family law, getting married can be a strong detriment for a parent and is certainly a ‘significant change of circumstances’ under which a party can bring a motion for modification of custody. In laymen terms this means that if he got married his ex wife could file papers in court to ask the judge to reduce his time with his children claiming that the new wife would be detrimental to their kids.
After struggling with James’ non-commitment Betty finally moved on.
James dated several women casually and as soon as the woman wanted something more serious he told her that he was not looking for anything more serious and gradually disappeared from her life. He told me that every time a woman and he became intimate she immediately started to assume that this was going somewhere, so he sensed it.
When James met Sally she wasn’t any different from his other dates. They met on a dating site, went out three times, and slept together on their third date, which was no different from everyone else he had met before EXCEPT Sally was pretty laid back and she did not assume that they were in a relationship after they slept together.
James continued to call her and ask her out. After a while he stopped seeing anyone else because he had such a good time with Sally that seeing anyone else did not appeal to him anymore.
Not once did Sally ask where their relationship was going. Not once did she ask if he was seeing anyone else or if he had stopped.
At some point my case was closed and I lost track of James. Six months later I ran into him by accident. We had a small chit chat and he told me he was on the way to his girlfriend’s house. I asked if it was the same person he had been dating and he said yes.
Another six months or so went by and I ran into James again. At this time he said his girlfriend was in the process of moving in with him and he was putting an addition to his house to make it roomier for the kids (Sally had three). I asked if he was planning to get married and he said he had not thought about it yet, and probably not but if he ever did get married again she’d be the one.
A few months went by and they got engaged and married shortly after. I called James because I needed paperwork from my old case in which he represented me and he told me he had gotten married. Actually he was very excited as he spoke about it. I still run into him here and there and he is still happily married.
So, you may ask, what the heck did Sally do differently that made a commitment phobic commit?
Let me spell it out here; She did not assume anything; she went with the flow; she allowed the natural progression of a relationship to take its place on its own. She never asked where their relationship was going. She allowed her future husband to take the lead and decide on his own time that he was so in love with her that he WANTED to marry her.
She just knew THE SECRETS TO MAKING A MAN COMMIT!
If you’ve had a chance to check out Commitment Phobic To Husband it pretty much spells out everything a wise woman knows about men and what a commitment process involves. You need to allow the man to be the lead.
Pressuring a man into commitment will not get you in the door. It will only get you out the door. For a man to commit he has to WANT to commit. In other words, it has to be HIS initiative. And if you don’t know how to relax, stop worrying about the timelines and the time frames for moving in, getting engaged and getting married and want to be in control of your life, I recommend that you check out Commitment Phobic To Husband if you haven’t yet because the women who have – already know the secrets to making a man want to commit to you forever – Click Here to Read>>>