Is He Giving Her Mixed Signals? Guys Giving Women Mixed Signals

January 17, 2010 by  
Filed under Commitment Issues

Have you ever been with a guy who seems to be giving you mixed signals? You know, when one day everything seems great, and the next, he pulls away, doesn’t call you and doesn’t respond to your phone calls? Here is an e-mail from a reader:

Hi Elaine,

This guy I used to date is giving me mixed signals. I don’t understand if he is playing games or if he is just not interested. Sometimes I think if he was just not interested than why won’t he just tell me? Why does he keep me hanging on?

Thank you,


Dear Katie,

You didn’t explain in detail how exactly he is giving you mixed signals and what you mean by mixed signals. One thing I know for sure – guys don’t intentionally mislead you. If he is loving and caring one day and the next day he doesn’t call you, this is just bad manners. You may want to reconsider how much importance you place on this relationship. If, on the other hand you have just started dating, he is just taking it slow just like most any guy I know. You know, guys don’t usually jump into a serious relationship after a few dates, except those men who are insecure and needy, and who need constant re-assurance.

I explain in depth the dynamics of a relationship development in my Guide To Commitment. But I wanted to briefly mention that the way women and men see the development of a relationship varies greatly. We, women tend to make up our mind about a guy rather quickly. Men, however, come to view relationships from a completely different standpoint, which is covered in Guide To Commitment. Of course this response is brief and doesn’t even scratch the surface of what this Guide covers, but I wanted to briefly mention so that you understand this. He is taking his time.

You may be wondering just when will he make up his mind? It really depends on the guy, the woman and the relationship they build together, but it is critical to understand that you can’t pressure someone into committing to you sooner than they are ready. You have to be on the same wave length. A relationship should unfold naturally, without pressure on either part as I say in Guide To Commitment.



So, this is the question and answer. Do you have an opinion about this? Have you ever been in a situation with a guy who is giving you mixed signals? Please, leave a comment in this post if you would like to share your experience, stories, and opinion.

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14 Responses to “Is He Giving Her Mixed Signals? Guys Giving Women Mixed Signals”
  1. bella says:

    I have kinda the same thing going on. I re united with a old friend from my 20’s and he told me to call him we talked he texted and called me everyday. we ended up having sex but i have no problem with that but the calls and text kinda of slowed down but he has still stayed in contact. There is also another thing he just got divorced and has 3 kids so I asked him what happened if anything had changed because i noticed a difference and he said that his kids are a priorty and there is nothing he can do about that which i totally understand that he has to take care of his kids and he just won joint custody of them and gets them every other week so he has his hands full trying to provide for them work is slow and he is currently staying with a relative so i get why he cant get serious because he has to figure out his life first. I like him but im not even sure if i want to get involved with someone with so much baggage and not to mention if he is really interested in me at all?

  2. anna chin says:

    hi there that’s what my problem is he’s a single dad with a nasty boy age 23 to take care of, he told me he had to settle him first then our things later on.

  3. joyce says:

    ladies, these men are not that interested…they have reasonable excuses, but they are excuses used to not encourage you. this is not an issue about a man taking his time. move on and forward.

  4. Lydia says:

    My guy took his time, he really did. But now he is commited to me and we are living together, his attitude to me and our relationship has changed completely, I feel now that he loves me and wants to be with me, however there were days when I nearly gave him up, such was his procrastination and confusion about the whole thing. I have known from the start I wanted him but he gave such pain till he came to love me too.

  5. naledi nancy chantell says:

    dis guy that i have been dating for 4years broke up with me because he just suddenly felt insecure. he wrote me a text message saying:he told me it was over and that i should live him alone!the funny thing his never told me that before instead i was the dumper most of the time, than i just happened to stop my ways.
    after a week we hooked-up and for the first time we dated he took me out!i was shocked and let him prove himself that his the men,we than get back home start cuddling and making jokes then took things fare with some make-up sex. just randomly he tells me he wants a baby with me? i just said no to him course the last time i was pregnant with his child i happened to get a miscarriage and i do not want the same thing to take place.he drops me back home the following morning, he had to go to work thats when i thought i would never see nor hear from him again.this men can’t seem to stop amazing me he just eventually pop through that same day to came see me, the following day he just never called till today i really don’t know whats on his mind why does he not call me?

  6. temhlanga says:

    hey ladies i have the same problem with my man. we met last year august. he was such a prince, and he treated me like a queen. he’d take me out, pay my every bill. he made breakfast, prepared a smoothe, prepare a form bath, he would call. but now he disappears for quite sometime, but he still does those good things. but he told me to make my own breakfast, to fill up my own bath tub. sometimes he doesnt have the call if he can’t keep an appointment

  7. Juliet says:

    I for my pastor, nt sure of his feelings for me. Bt recently he called nd told me to open up nd tel him of my relationship, dat is if im into any relationship ship, i am, but dnt knw wat or how to aswer his question, cos i dnt want to giv him a reply dat would make me lose him. Im sure he has feelings bt, his not saying it.

  8. Dustin says:

    I am very pleased with the great information you provide on Is He Giving Her Mixed Signals? Guys Giving Women Mixed …. I am sure many individuals just like me will benefit by reading this information. I will make sure to bookmark this page.

  9. thapelo says:

    hey girls im in love with the divorce man and i can see that he in still love the woman but dont know how to erase that memory to him,he sometimes call me with the woman s name and i dnt feel right although i can not give him the same thing he was getting but i feel i can not even play my part in his life and i dnt know if he loves me or just making time pass.

  10. padmini nia tillu says:

    Divorce the guy and never have nothing to do with him in this life or any other life.

  11. Nia says:

    At first enamoured with the god in him but have always known and fretted over why
    I get a personal hitler and others get the god that is because the impotent watches me 24 7 and listens to others. And I talk good about others but I realize in the six years of concentration camp this man has given me is very much only mine he has given only good things to everybody else mostly because they were withme and I have to swim against the tide do good things show good results and love him too. Need a sidekick. Tired do not want him.

  12. Nia says:

    The only reason I write to this wall is because what I say is not important what you say about what I say is only important begins my day by begging words from the mouths of others also others know what happens to me today which they might tell me if they bother to turn off television but he says it is because I do not have a relationship and good things for them bad things for me but he does not tell me that but tells them everything everything I have no personal life my personal professional public is all one and rolled open to the world as what they think is important and I can not upset their dainty feathers if I even casually talk about them

  13. Jamie says:

    I can’t stand men who give mixed signals. I think a man who does this is not sure what he wants. I would encourage u ladies to circular date when these men start behaving like asses.

  14. Lisa says:

    Hi Elaine, i have a puzzling situation. Met a great guy. Did not sleep with him. Told him straight up i wasn’t that kind of girl and if he was looking for a girl like that he can keep looking cause it wont be me. He said he wasnt tht kind of guy. We dated. We texted everyday for 3 mnths. All day everyday. When the day was ending whoever was the last one texting, the other resumed the next day. I didnt whine, I am not needy. I am busy and have a life. I take great care of myself. I am upbeat and was always supportive. Ok call me Pollyanna. I met his friends they all loved me.referred to me as (so an so’s) girl. We went to fancy events together and spent the nights. He was always the perfect gentleman. So respectful. we made out but never let iit get too far.Kissing me on he forehead goodnight. Or on my shoulder while he thought i was sleeping. All his friends told me ” he is crazy about you has never met a woman like me etc.” then one day he stopped calling, texting. I waited a week or so and texted him and said hey I miss you…. Response was I’ve been busy.didnt make any plans didnt text me. Then we would run into each other places. He was always smiling when he talked to me. Would ask if i wanted to get together but when I said yes there was no follow through. Now his friends are calling me. My most recent conversation was initiated by him when we ran into each other and he said he heard i was talking to one of his friends. It is his friend calling me and I’m not going out with him. Just last week he was at a party and one of my friends saw him and inquired if he was talking to me? He responded yes. He isn’t talking to me….. Talk about confused. Geeze i feel like i did everything right…what happened? I’m not chasing him and I’m not waiting around. Don’t want to go there with his friends because they are his friends.

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