My Boyfriend Wants Me To Lose Weight
What do you do when your boyfriend tells you ‘lose weight’? How do you react when your boyfriend wants you to lose weight and is being direct about it? Here is an email I received from a subscriber:
My boyfriend told me lose weight. I feel very hurt and don’t know how to react. The problem is that he is a good guy and he tells me he doesn’t want to hurt me, but I can tell that since I started gaining weight in the past six months he is not as attracted to me as much anymore. He tells me I am wonderful and beautiful, and he really wants to be in a relationship with me but he feels that me gaining weight has taken a toll on our relationship.
He is a photographer and he photographs models for magazines. He says that physical beauty if important to him because he is very visual and even though he knows it’s shallow he can’t help it because this is what he is attracted to.
But I still feel very hurt and rejected. I don’t want to break up with him because we have a good loving relationship, but I don’t know what to tell him, and how to respond. I am not fat but not model-skinny either.
I don’t know how to react to this. He feels guilty for telling me this but he says that it’s better to be honest and not hide how he feels about this because we have open communication. One part of me is glad he is open with me because it would be much worse if he didn’t tell me how he feels about this issue and instead started cheating with someone skinnier.
What should I do? I want to know if there is anyone else who has experienced this problem with a boyfriend or a husband, and how they solved this.
How do YOU feel about your weight? Do YOU want to lose weight? This is what it really comes down to. Listen, if you are happy with your appearance you should not alter who you are and what makes you happy. However, you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of sacrifice you are willing to make for your boyfriend to be happy, and how this will reflect on your relationship. There is a bigger issue behind the question of losing weight; your boyfriend may feel that you don’t respect him and his wishes, and that you are not willing to do your part in a relationship to make it work.
Do you feel that your boyfriend’s request is unreasonable? Or do you feel that you NEED to lose weight?
One of the reasons men drift away from a relationship is the loss of physical attraction. As I explain in my book Guide To Commitment, physical attraction and chemistry is a paramount ingredient of a healthy relationship. It is not the only thing that needs to be present in a relationship, but one of them; a very important one. You need to decide how YOU can balance being who you are and pleasing your boyfriend. If being yourself is incompatible with being in a relationship you should decide what’s more important to you – your authenticity or your relationship. That’s a decision YOU need to make.
Has your boyfriend even said he wants you to lose weight? Has the man you date ever hinted that you should lose weight? What did you do? How did you react? Leave your comment below! Like this post? Share it on Facebook!