My Boyfriend Wants Me To Lose Weight

July 22, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating Tips For Women

What do you do when your boyfriend tells you ‘lose weight’? How do you react when your boyfriend wants you to lose weight and is being direct about it? Here is an email I received from a subscriber:

Hi Elaine,

My boyfriend told me lose weight. I feel very hurt and don’t know how to react. The problem is that he is a good guy and he tells me he doesn’t want to hurt me, but I can tell that since I started gaining weight in the past six months he is not as attracted to me as much anymore. He tells me I am wonderful and beautiful, and he really wants to be in a relationship with me but he feels that me gaining weight has taken a toll on our relationship.

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He is a photographer and he photographs models for magazines. He says that physical beauty if important to him because he is very visual and even though he knows it’s shallow he can’t help it because this is what he is attracted to.

But I still feel very hurt and rejected. I don’t want to break up with him because we have a good loving relationship, but I don’t know what to tell him, and how to respond. I am not fat but not model-skinny either.

I don’t know how to react to this. He feels guilty for telling me this but he says that it’s better to be honest and not hide how he feels about this because we have open communication. One part of me is glad he is open with me because it would be much worse if he didn’t tell me how he feels about this issue and instead started cheating with someone skinnier.

What should I do? I want to know if there is anyone else who has experienced this problem with a boyfriend or a husband, and how they solved this.



Hi Maria,

How do YOU feel about your weight? Do YOU want to lose weight? This is what it really comes down to. Listen, if you are happy with your appearance you should not alter who you are and what makes you happy. However, you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of sacrifice you are willing to make for your boyfriend to be happy, and how this will reflect on your relationship. There is a bigger issue behind the question of losing weight; your boyfriend may feel that you don’t respect him and his wishes, and that you are not willing to do your part in a relationship to make it work.

Do you feel that your boyfriend’s request is unreasonable? Or do you feel that you NEED to lose weight?

One of the reasons men drift away from a relationship is the loss of physical attraction. As I explain in my book Guide To Commitment, physical attraction and chemistry is a paramount ingredient of a healthy relationship. It is not the only thing that needs to be present in a relationship, but one of them; a very important one. You need to decide how YOU can balance being who you are and pleasing your boyfriend. If being yourself is incompatible with being in a relationship you should decide what’s more important to you – your authenticity or your relationship. That’s a decision YOU need to make.


Has your boyfriend even said he wants you to lose weight? Has the man you date ever hinted that you should lose weight? What did you do? How did you react? Leave your comment below! Like this post? Share it on Facebook!

You can read my personal weight loss story and check out my video in which I talk about how I personally lost weight on This Page!

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67 Responses to “My Boyfriend Wants Me To Lose Weight”
  1. linder, billy says:

    ~ linder, billy, Canada

    i appreciate your work I still laugh every time I think of my husband(now we married). How you impose the adult

    dysfunctions revenge spell cast on him and got to hear the stories come in. He couldn’t

    figure out what had happened to him. He tried and run quickly back to me, steering at me all the day, anything over the counter he loves me more under to any situation. After watching him suffer a bit, I was sympathetic and we

    talked out our differences and I reversed the spell. He still doesn’t

    know what happened and I still laugh when I think about it.grate

  2. Jory says:

    I am in a similar situation.

    My boyfriend of 2 years has been with me since I had my 2nd daughter, I was 160 when he met me and now I’m 200. He know’s it’s normal to gain weight and stuff, because he has also gained some weight during our relationship.

    He says he wants me to lose weight, but also wants to lose weight himself. The problem is he works full-time, so he sort of see’s it as MY duty to lose weight to motivate him….fair? I don’t know.

    I know I’m definitely not happy with my body. But my boyfriend is not rude about my weight gain, he has said in the most tender way that he doesn’t want to date a “fat” girl lol

    Basically, I agree with Elaine. If YOU feel like you want to lose weight, then do it. But don’t do it FOR him to feel happier. I know it’s confusing because you’ll get the feeling that you want to lose the weight so that he’s happy thus making you happy. But who know’s….maybe he just said it wrong?

    Everyone is beautiful. <3 If you feel that you'd benefit from losing weight and your relationship would as well, then go for it. Keep your chin up and look towards the horizon. You can do it :/

  3. Lisa Morgan says:

    I have been dating a man for 3 years who talks about how other women appear to him. It’s not always good. He will look at someone on t.v. and say things like, she’s not aging well or she’s the skinny/fat. He’ll say things like, she has a great body but her face is not pretty. Most of the time I don’t see what he means. He’s very visual to the point of the things that he mentions about the other women makes me feel that I’m not up to his standards. He’s never mentioned a future with me. I don’t bring it up either. Call me old school but I won’t. I am not exclusive with him because it is apparent to me that he needs a super model…definitely not me. I guess I’m no better than most men but I will keep seeing him because other than this odd thing he does we have great chemistry and a lot of fun so I keep him around. Is there something wrong with me? I am not in love with him mainly because of this one thing.

  4. hudson12 says:

    According to me, nothing matters in a relation if a couple are in immense love with each other. Nor looks and neither weight should be a problem for your partner if he loves you.

    But to attract your partner you need to get yourself into shape and look good so that they don’t get attracted to other individuals.

  5. daygamedatingcoach says:

    hi there.. i may not be in similar situation but i know how you feel. in my opinion, it is not necessary to lose weight but in your case you must do because the nature of your partner is meeting slim and skinny models. if you wont do something, you might lose him.

  6. Solpria says:

    I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This article posted at this website is genuinely good.

  7. Ally says:

    Break up with him!
    I married my boyfriend that wanted me to lose weight!
    Now I struggle with rejection and bitterness, he’s always controlling what I eat.
    He gets mad if I want to eat bread or sugar. He gets upset and tells me I’m lazy if I
    Only work out 5 days a week instead of 6. He pinches my fat. I’m such a fool, just wait
    For a man that accepts u. Be happy with the weight u decide u want to be.
    But who know maybe ur bf isn’t as big of a jerk

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