Should You Give Him an Ultimatum and Why Ultimatums Don’t Work

January 12, 2010 by  
Filed under Commitment Issues

If you have been dating a guy for months and even years, perhaps even living with him, you know how frustrating it can be when your guy can’t seem to pop the question. At some point you get tired of waiting and start thinking in terms, it’s either now or never. I should just give him an ultimatum and if he loves me he’ll have to step to the plate.

If you have been dating a guy for months and even years, perhaps even living with him, you know how frustrating it can be when your guy can’t seem to pop the question. At some point you get tired of waiting and start thinking in terms, it’s either now or never. I should just give him an ultimatum and if he loves me he’ll have to step to the plate.

Wait! Not so fast!

In my Guide To Commitment I explain how to take your relationship to the next level of commitment without the ultimatums, and moreover, how to make your boyfriend think that it is HIS idea to make a commitment to you.

So, why ultimatums don’t work….

An ultimatum, by definition contains a threat. And if you are trying to threaten a man, this will not result in anything positive.

So, how can you get a commitment from a man without the ultimatum?

First off, you need to determine if your boyfriend loves you. If he tells you voluntarily that he loves you, and/or is acting like it, then you know the issue of commitment is not lack of love; it is the fear of changes, fear of financial responsibilities and other fears associated with the increased responsibility of a man in marriage.

If he loves you, he still may not be sure that you are the one. And this may very well be the reason he does not want to commit.

In my Guide To Commitment I have examined research and available scientific data that has confirmed that men who are presently attached are secretly awaiting for the right woman to come along!

Yes, men who are currently in relationships but who are not a hundred percent committed to their girlfriends secretly hope that there is someone better out there.

If you don’t think this is the case with your man, here is a test for you to determine if he is truly not ready for commitment; Imagine a Victoria Secret model with a million-dollar contract tells your boyfriend she wants to marry him…. Would he say he is not ready? If that’s what you think he would say, you may have a point here…. but if you think that he would jump on this opportunity, and provided that that woman has all the interpersonal qualities that he is looking for, and is caring, loving and kind, than the problem is NOT that he is ‘not ready for commitment’. The problem is that you have not been successful at showing him that you are the right one for him.

So, what if you decide nevertheless to go ahead and make a demand – you either marry me or I am breaking up with you….. what happens?

Well, one thing that could most likely happen is that he is going to say, ok what can I do? And if you don’t want to settle any longer for less than you deserve, he will just go with it…

Sure, he’ll suffer for a while, but he’ll get over it eventually…

In fact, men deal with break ups a lot worse than women do even if they don’t show it….

Men also don’t typically take time in between relationships and they tend to want to get back into dating immediately after the break up, whereas we, women do tend to take time in between relationships….

So, if that’s the route you take, don’t be surprised to find your ex boyfriend dating someone else shortly after the break up….

Second option is that you ‘win’. And by ‘win’ I mean that he cower down to your demands and marries you. And you think you have won, but what this causes a hundred percent of the time is resentment. You want your boyfriend to go into commitment wholeheartedly, not because he was afraid to lose intimacy and companionship, not because he was complacent and wanted to preserve what he’s got… you want him to make a commitment to you because it is HIS idea…. at least you want him to think that it is his idea…

Now, knowing men’s psychology I know exactly how to make a man want commitment and more importantly make him think it is HIS idea.

When you learn what I have outlined in my Guide To Commitment, you too will understand how to make a man commit to you, and make him think it was his idea. Read More >>>


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Comments

One Response to “Should You Give Him an Ultimatum and Why Ultimatums Don’t Work”
  1. god says:

    Hi,
    That’s a good article. I love your writting style. Just bookmark your site, and I will visit your site more than 1 times a week.
    Your reader.
    Tom

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