Signs He Is Afraid To Fall For You – He Pulls Away After Getting Close

March 31, 2011 by  
Filed under Dating Tips For Women

Have you ever wondered why he pulls away after getting close to you? Read This Article!

If you really want to understand men and their actions you are not alone! Truth is, men aren’t that complicated, but the problem is that women and men operate differently. Unfortunately, most women don’t understand men, and thus men’s behavior in relationships can be hard to decode for single women. But don’t worry, because this article will solve much of your confusion about men, so read on to find out the secrets about men most women will never know, and be sure to visit more articles on this site you will find links to on the bottom of this page!

Also, before you browse this site, be sure to Sign up for our free dating, relationship, and commitment tips, and receive a free Special Report “10 Ways To Make a Man Fall In Love” –

One of the most frequently asked questions women have in regards with men when it comes to dating and relationships is why do men pull away after getting close? This article will help you understand why men do that and how to overcome men’s fear of intimacy.

If you have been dating a man who often seems to pull away after the most intimate moments, you need to understand that men just like women want to be known and understood in depth. However men often resist full self-disclosure due to their fear of loss. 

Fear of loss is a real driving force that makes men back off, cut down contact and sometimes even seize contact until they feel they are back in their comfort zone again. For a single man who is caught unexpectedly falling in love with a woman, his developing feelings are foreign and unusual. When a man is falling in love he will often feel as if he is losing control of his emotions. A loss of control may appear a threat to a man’s self-sufficiency. He starts to feel lonely when you are not around. He starts missing you when you aren’t with him. Naturally a man isn’t used to these new feelings, thus it is natural for him to want to go back into his comfort zone in which he feels in control of his emotions.

Men want to be the strong silent type. They aren’t in touch with their emotional world as much as women are, and deep emotional intimacy often scares them. This fear of intimacy can be a real problem because it does not allow a relationship and true intimacy to develop.

When men pull away and try to distance themselves from the women they have strong feelings for, they do so because they want to avoid their potential future pain and a breakup by not allowing themselves to get deeply emotionally involved. They may start asking themselves, What if my beloved one walks away? How can I possibly survive this loss? The loss won’t be so great and won’t hurt nearly as much if I don’t care so much. 

Unless you make your man comfortable to open up for you and to trust his feelings, you may be facing a real obstacle in making him surrender to his developing feelings. Discover how to make a man open up to youRead This Page!

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37 Responses to “Signs He Is Afraid To Fall For You – He Pulls Away After Getting Close”
  1. fatima rizwan says:

    perhaps its just about getting hurt that scares them ,but its their freedom too.maybe when a man realizes that hes gotten into something serious he gets scared because he feels his freedom will be he wont get time to be with his friends,he’ll have certain expectations of him.he will lose the life hes been used to living.however,if a woman isn’t clingy and doesnt fight with a guy when he hasnt called her or if he wants some time to be with his guy friends,i think he would still be at ease of not loosing the pleasures hes been used to enjoying.

  2. Matri says:

    Women are this way too! Women who’re very interested in men are scared of losing him too & they think of him when he’s not physically near the woman. I wouldn’t necessarily say that this article is for me cuz it can be applied to women!

  3. Kayla says:

    I like this article a lot. Now, I have a question. I have known this guy for 4 yrs. I love him and by looking into his eyes I swear he loves me too. I wasn’t in school for the longest amount of time and he was telling my sister that he was missing me too much. But now that I see him, he will talk to me in school but he never messages me or anything? Could he have always been in love with me? I don’t know. Please help. :/

  4. Emma says:

    I recently dated a guy that has suffered from a bad relationship in the past. To add onto this he has poor self esteem because he was bulled from kindergarden up until 8th grade. He told me he really loved me, and that what he felt for me was compleltley different from anything he’d ever felt before, to the point where it was difficult to breathe sometimes. Like the first time I told him I loved him, he told me it was hard for him to breathe haha. before we started dating, he expressed feelings of fear that I would “find someone else” Then when we did start dating he questioned sometimes why I would be dating him because I was “so much better than him”. And then one day..he asked me what i really thought about is together. I thought we were fine, but I guess we weren’t. He said that once we started dating it became difficult for him to tell me things. By the way,he was one of my best friends. I still think he could be if he allowed me into his life. So we decided to end things to “save our friendship”. It still really hurts though,and I know it hurt him. He barely talks to me now though. I don’t get it. Was he just mot ready for another relationship? Is he afraid of his feelings? One of my friends told me he may think I’m too good to be true. Please help

  5. s says:

    My boyfriend does this from time to time. At the beginning of our relationship, it freaked me out a bit until I realized that after a few days of giving him space, he did indeed come back to me, same as before, without having left me, lost interest, or having a change of heart like I so anxiously worried about. 😉
    And actually, in my previous relationship, when I did find my ex backing off, I hunted him down like a hound mercilessly. No wonder he felt pestered! I’m pretty sure this is one of the reasons the relationship didn’t last very long.
    I also came to the realization that I also do this as well sometimes. I enjoy being in a committed relationship as much as I love my freedom, and finding a balance between these two helps from suffocating or neglecting the relationship and myself.
    So if you ever find yourself wondering why on earth your amazing guy is backing off after getting close, just remember that unless you did something obvious like insult him or similar to make him turn away, it’s best to allow him his space and to take the opportunity to spend some quality time with yourself. It’s a win-win!

  6. Emma says:

    Or maybe he just want to have sex or a sex buddy.. I have a guy right now and he was acting like he was into me but then he disappeared. 🙁

  7. Claudia says:

    We all have something to hide, humans, that is….mostly its something we have already that we are not ready to give up, say a love we still have feelings for but know its over for good making it near difficult to move forward with another, thinking the broken love could be rekindled one day. So we dibble and dabble in the dating game trying to find again that spark we once had with someone else. We are all afraid to get hurt, emotionally. Its easier to go 18 rounds in a boxing ring with a champ than to get our hearts and minds played with.

  8. Sarah says:

    I witnessed this exact thing happen to one of my best friends. They would hang out, have a great night, and he would avoid her for a week and then they would repeat the cycle. Of course, she was miserable during that week he avoided her but she gave him space. After this happened a few more times, he finally asked her to be his girlfriend. Now, three years later, they’re one of the happiest and most in love MARRIED couple that I’ve ever seen!!

  9. dreamer101b says:

    I was seeing a man for 2 weeks…..he had told me some personal things about him and than text me to say he just wanted me to know…he didnt want to keep it a seceret from me and that he was scared id never wanted to talk to him again. He also told me je wasnt going anywhere unless i pushed him away. He would text me all day everyday to tell me he misses me and was thinking me and how much he loves it when i would lay next to him and my kisses. Than one day he text me and said he cant wait to have me sleep in his arms all night long n than the next day he was distant. He first said it was because he thought he didnt turn me on than he said he didnt want to hold me back and the last thing he said was because he was scared of feelings, emotions and falling in love. Im not sure what to believe…he did just get out of prision which he was in for about 7 yrs..not sure if that can play apart or not. Just wanted to know y he left after saying all those romantic things to me??

  10. totally confused says:

    I was wondering does this happen when men develop strong feelings for a stranger? I met a guy and from the first time we looked into each others eyes I felt something amazing. I wasn’t sure and still am not sure whether he felt it too, but he does this weird thing where he will see me several times in the space of a week and gives me the impression that he likes me too, and then he will avoid me like for a month and then the cycle continues…are men that shy about there feelings? Is it that scary to show a woman you like them?… I know that he knows I like him so I am very confused 🙁

  11. Ariadna says:

    very well

  12. Cauani says:

    please keep on posting such quality

  13. Beatriz says:

    i like this it’s a great job, keep it up

  14. Everalda says:

    thanks a lot for taking time to discuss this subject with us

  15. Areusa says:

    this was really good to know about this. i was looking for information to help me understand my boyfriend and your site was very helpful

  16. Cleonice says:

    this is so true… my boyfriend told me that he loved me and now he is pulling away after he said that.. thank you for the information. it makes me feel better. i will definitely come back to read more of your articles

  17. Aracy says:

    amazing info

  18. Antonieta says:

    i was looking for such easy task from a long time it will help me in increasing my knowledge. thanks a lot

  19. Edilaine says:

    hey great stuff, thank you for sharing this useful information.

  20. Catarina says:

    I and my boyfriend went on an extended vacation together. We had a great time and everything seemed fine. After we got back he started pulling away. He tells me he has to catch up on work and is working long hours. Sometimes he sleeps in his office. He has a couch in his office and keeps a pillow. I think he might be drinking or doing drugs or something, although I didn’t notice anything unusual during our vacation. Maybe he has started seeing someone else. I don’t know. But his behavior really changed after we came back. Also, when we were on our vacation together we started talking about possibly getting married next year. Now all the marriage talk stopped, and we are not seeing each other nearly as often. Please help me! If anyone here has any advice for me I’d like to know!

  21. Elusa says:

    well, thank you very much for sharing the great post!!!

  22. Cariana says:

    my boyfriend is pulling away and i found your site while looking for information on what to do when a man pulls away. i wonder if i can send you my question because i don’t want to post it here

  23. Dalila says:

    this goes to my bookmark list. fantastic!

  24. Crispiana says:

    my boyfriend pulled away after our relationship started to get serious

    • cindy says:

      My ex done that as well we met at our local pub and everything was going sooo well we had an amazing Xmas and new year he kept texting me telling me he misses me etc then all of a sudden just before my birthday he didn’t text then he did saying that he cant do it anymore that he’s a complete mess and he is a chicken not to say it to my face my god it hurt so so much because I’m in love with him I’ve told him this in a txt as well but my mate says it looks like he’s scared to commit do u think this is true? I’m completely gutted

  25. Carmela says:

    I am in a long distance relationship and I am experiencing some of these signs now with my man. We met on a interracial dating site and have been travelling to see each other. Recently I found his profile on the same dating site when I went to see if he was still there. He said his profile was closed but when I checked it was on, and he was active recently. I also noticed that he doesn’t want to travel to see me as much and tells me he is very busy with work now.

  26. Evandra says:

    thank you for the information on love for women

  27. Eloida says:

    I think my man is a commitment phobic. He is acting as if he is falling in love with me but he won’t tell me that he loves me. He was hurt in his last relationship. His wife cheated on him and he says that he doesn’t want to get involved in any serious relationships right now out of fear of getting hurt. But we have such a great time together, and I think he is starting to fall for me but he doesn’t tell me he loves me.

  28. Edgar says:

    when a guy pulls away he does that because he is questioning if he wants to continue a relationship with you or not. if he decides that he doesn’t he will dump you eventually and only come back for sex

  29. Edelina says:

    i really like your writing style. i got this book and enjoyed reading it

  30. Adna says:

    I met a man through work. He works for the same company just in a different department. We started dating two months ago. Things were great for a while but then someone who works for the same company saw us when we were out and now he doesn’t want to continue because he says he doesn’t want his co-workers know that he is dating me. I told him that I understand and if that’s what he wants I need to move on and not see him any more. But he texts me and wants to see me but doesn’t want to go anywhere with me or do anything except for hang out at my place or his place and have sex. He recently hasn’t even been inviting me over to his place. He always texts late in the evening and wants to come see me right away and if I say no I can’t see you because it’s too late and I have to get up early to go to work he gets mad and me and tells me I am playing games. I mentioned to him that someone asked me out on a date and he got mad, but then said you do whatever you want to do, I can’t tell you what to do. I have feelings for him and I miss him, so I don’t know if I should move on. I was hoping that if I just was patient things would get better but they aren’t getting any better.

  31. Alzira says:

    i found out that my husband had an affair. after i left him he begged me to come back to him. he said he was going to end the affair and after i moved back into the family house he is still seeing the other woman. one day he says he wants to go to counselling and the next he tells me it’s all my fault that he has an affair and he doesn’t want to work on our marriage. i don’t know if i should trust him. every time i want to leave he tells me that he loves me but he can’t stop the affair.

  32. Maria says:

    The last guy im seeing for a month now, and been out with 4 wonderful dates just disappeared. In our last date he said hes not seeing someone and hope that i am not as well which is true coz i wanna know him more.. He even took his profile down and out of respect i did deactive mine. But what happened!?! Poof hes gone. No text no call…. Just like that.. Whats confusing is when i texted him, he still responds on what you ask. Weird, i will just keep it like that. Im starting to get tired of dating, we are not even young to play games were on our early 30s, why wont he just tell, im done with you and i wanna date others for my peace of mind!


  33. Deborah says:

    I’m 58 and dated a man for 9 months who is 63. After 8 months of dating, he told me he was in love with me and I knew at that point I was in love with him too. Two weeks later, he decides to tell me he “doesn’t think he’s in love with me”. Talk about a slap in the face!!! I should have walked out at that point but no, I decided to do the wrong thing….make excuses for him and be there when he called!! At one point when I saw him after this happened, he told me “he loved me so much and didn’t want to lose me”. There were a lot of promises he made to me but I figured out it was just to keep me at arm’s length. All talk, no action and I told him we are too old to be playing games and ended it. This really hurt and I’m not sure I want to get back into the dating scene again.

  34. liz says:

    I met this guy about three months ago. He gave me his number and told me I was cute. I texted him right away cuz I felt the same and then we continued talking and texting for weeks. He had asked me out and so naturally I started thinking that we were on the same page, and would progress from being friends to bf & gf. We never went out, just hung out and every time he and I would get closer, I would ask where our relationship was heading. He, I guess, got upset that I was asking and so told me via text that we were just friends and leave it at that. So after that day, we started a clean slate as friends and continued calling each other and hanging out and texting. Even we declared ourselves friends, he would say that through text, that I was cute and he would marry me. But in person, he would go out of his way to wait for me, but hardly would look at me, yet would be “grooming himself” fixing his shirt, pants, belt, whatever he had on. Even socks one time. I also noticed that if I looked different or had a different pair of earrings, he would sort of glance and look away. The final text came last week when I texted him something that I knew wasn’t true to see if he would respond. He didn’t and kind of told me to leave him alone,I did but four days later, when I returned to work, he still went out of his way to see if he saw me. And again this time he would talk to me as though shy and would be fixing his sweater and touching his face alot, but also ignoring me and looking at me through window glasses as though I didn’t know he was doing so. I got upset that he was kind of ignoring me a bit, that I said bye and left. And then sent him an emotional email. I know I was probably pushy, needy, clingy, but Idk what to think and am not going to text or call him until he does. Is that a good idea?

  35. tara says:

    i am 56 been dating this guy off an on for at least two years. I am white and he is african american. he is 59, went thru a bad divorce. we get close I help him financially he backs away then a cpl weeks later is starts calling again. i care alot about him but tired of the off and on. we go thru spells when it is great and when it gets great he backs off. any solutions, i am so tired of playing his game

  36. Yram Moncada says:

    I joined in a 3 days camping activity way back november 2015.Where I met this guy.On the last day,i say goodbye to my friends embraced them.But this guy shook hands with me and it was so tight,he’s looking at me like im melting.It was an awkward moment so I just smiled but i was not able to lokk at him straight.And while waiting for the others fixing their stuffs,Im laughing conversing with someone,its not my intension when suddenly i saw him standing on the tree but not that far away from me.He was smiling looking at me.I felt something deep inside my heart that way he looked at me.
    The activity was over,we chat and i cant forget one time he said that i had a pretty smile.then he invited me to their house for lunch one sunday.I did after our sunday worship,together with few of our churchmates and his brother,We had our lunch and played games.Thats it.
    Sometimes i initiated texting him and chat him.I attempted to tell him something that will test him if i will be able to figure out if he likes me also.But I failed and until we stop chatting.I erased his no. in my cell.I attempted many times to unfriend him in my fb but I kept him as a friend.THe last time I saw him was last october.It was unexpected,I already gave up that I will never see him and he does not have an interest with me because Im already committed and soon getting married.But look I saw him for the 3rd time, that ive been praying for.He greeted me.No more conversation after that.But I felt he looked at me.I cant refused to stare at him.Until now I keep on dreaming of him.Recently in my dream he told me twice that he loves me.But I just asked him if what he said was true at the same time I was in a hurry because my boyfriend waiting for me.I felt he said that because he wants me to chose him before the wedding I can decide.He was my secret crush.But i tried to be loyal with my boyfriend and I love him.I tried to move on with the guy.But in 2 weeks im getting married and I have doubts.I dont know what to do.This guy doesnt have an idea about my feelings.Pls help me:(

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