The Truth About Storybook Romance
We love romance novels and chick flicks. The reason for it is simple – we want to have that love in our lives, but because we don’t yet have it, we love watching movies and reading books about what we don’t have.
It’s almost like an escape from the reality.
But the truth is, we all want to be a part of the fairy tale. So, what’s stopping you from finding it in your own life?
Perhaps you are single and looking for the right man, or are dating a man but you don’t feel that the level of connection between the two of you is what you are looking for in an ‘ideal man’. Or you may be in love with a man who doesn’t share the same level of emotional involvement as you do.
What can you do to change it? You’ve been reading lots of romance books; they all end with a happy ending. How come you can’t have that happily-ever-after in your own life?
The truth about romantic books is that most of them will tell you a love story of two people who fantasize about each other, and set on a path to find each other, connect and be together. But the fairy tale ends as soon as they ARE together. It doesn’t tell you what happens afterwards. It doesn’t tell you all the typical problems and disagreements that couples experience once they are together.
Learning how to deal with disagreements, learning the art of communication and learning how to understand your partner better is something that they don’t teach us in school. And once the fairy tale ends, we are often stuck looking for answers to our common relationship questions and problems.
One of the things you can do to improve communication with your partner is by putting yourself in his shoes and asking yourself, what would I not like or what would I want to improve in our relationship if I were him? How does he perceive what I do? And by doing so you may discover what will be an epiphany to you.
You may start understanding something that you had no idea about by simply putting yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Such role reversal game is something that you should do periodically just to keep in check.
Try this exercise: Remember something that took place recently in your relationship. Perhaps it was a moment when your partner seemed withdrawn. Now, picture the situation with reversed roles – what was it that directly preceded this? What were you two doing or taking about? And think how this same situation could have been seen from the other person’s perspective. Than if you find that you would have acted the same if you were him, identify your mistakes or areas of improvement and when the timing is right, let your partner know that you understand how he perceived the same situation and if necessary apologize.
Don’t be defensive and try to explain things and your actions. Simply admit that you were wrong and that you have now realized how the same situation was seen by your partner. Say it and drop it. He will respect you a lot more if you admit your mistakes and are determined to improve, than if you continue denying them.