We Broke Up Because He Did Not Want Commitment What Can You Do To Get Him Back

October 27, 2010 by  
Filed under Commitment Issues, Get Him Back

If you are in a casual dating relationship and you want to take your casual relationship to committed I have great news for you – YOU CAN take your casual relationship to commitment effortlessly when you know the secrets to going from a casual dating to commitment. I get a lot of emails from women who ask me how to make a man take a relationship to the next level of commitment. Read this email below and my response to it and you will learn something new about men and commitment that you probably did not know before!

Hi Elaine,

I am wondering if you give me some advice.

I want your opinion as to what i should do in my situation, as I made some big mistakes when we first broke up.

We were together for a year, but it was rocky. We were on/off, and I felt him pulling away from me/distancing himself at times. He has a lot going on in his life – work, a child to his ex, gym etc… this made finding time together difficult, but when we were together, things were great. I love this man, dearly. Towards the 12mth mark, i started asking him about the future and further commitment (we were exclusive, but I wanted to move in together, or at least discusss it) and he backed away completely. I didn’t handle it well at all, freaked out and we had massive arguments. Tears, anger, frustration.. the works.  Then he ended it, saying that he “can’t be in a relationship” right now, and can’t give me what I want. I was devastated, and still am. I stupidly tried to get him to reconsider, but he is adamant that he needs time for himself, and could not commit to anyone at all, and doesn’t want to let me down.

Is there no hope in this situation, since i basically begged him to stay with me?! I don’t know how to proceed. I considered writing to him in a couple of weeks and saying ‘thanks for taking the courage to end it, I appreciate the time to myself as well”, so that there isn’t such a power inbalance between us, but I don’t know whether to do that, or just cut all contact. He has texted me a couple of times since the break up (just a week ago) asking if I am ok, checking in etc, but I haven’t responded.

Is there anything else I should be doing to get him back and make him commit to me??

Thank you so much,

Dear Jane,

Truth is, when a man wants to be with a woman he will do anything to keep her around. It appears that your ex was in for a good time, but when you started talking commitment he became withdrawn and broke up with you.

Can you get him back? That’s a question you are asking yourself.

The reason you broke up in the first place is because your goals for the future did not match up. You wanted commitment; he did not.

If you want a secure committed relationship you should be with a man who can give you commitment. If a man cannot give you commitment you have two choices to make; You can either move on and find a commitment-oriented man, or you can encourage your man to want to commit to you.

Encouraging a man to commit has nothing to do with begging, pleading and convincing. Just because you are exclusive with a man this does not mean you are in a committed relationship.

In order to encourage a man to commit, you have to understand how a commitment process works for a man.

In my book Guide To Commitment I show you how to go from a casual dating relationship to a secure committed relationship and marriage. You will also discover the one most important thing that must be present in your relationship for a man to want to commit to you.

When this one thing is present, he will want to make you his wife. You will be the only one he wants to be with and the one he wants to keep forever.

If you want to learn what that one thing is, and how to take your relationship from a casual dating relationship to commitment and marriage I encourage you to read Guide To Commitment!

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2 Responses to “We Broke Up Because He Did Not Want Commitment What Can You Do To Get Him Back”
  1. Medical Jobs says:

    this post is very usefull thx!

  2. Jason Chen says:


    Can i ask? Given the following situation…what is the reasons for the man making this decision? does this man still love his girlfriend?

    This guy went to oversea to work…initial plan was about 2 years.he asked his girl friend to wait for him…before the long distant relationship began..their relationship was very good..subsequently, 6 months down the road..they drift apart..probably the girl feel insecure and agruement often occur between them…1 day they argue n after cold war of about a month..one day the man tell the woman..he wanted to focus his career as the opportunity is good and decided to stay working at the country for long term and he is not sure how long…if between this period she met a guy…then don’t wait for him anymore…2 months ago…before the cold war.this guy still love the girl very much..asking her to wait for him…2 months later..this guy appear to be cold and the girl no longer feel the love anymore..what exactly is this guy thinking?

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