What If Your Guy Did THIS?

November 8, 2012 by  
Filed under Commitment Issues

I receive my fair share of e-mails from women who are confused by the behavior their men display. Today’s e-mail seems pretty interesting, as it touches on the subject that I think many women can relate to whether they are in a relationship, are dating, or are looking for The One.

If you are like most women, you can probably relate, share your experience, and exchange opinions with other subscribers.

I wonder how many of you have been in a situation similar to this, or perhaps, on the other end of this situation.

Read This Page and share your thoughts in the comment section down below this post!

Here is an e-mail from a middle-aged woman I got this morning:

Hi Elaine,

I have been reading your e-mails and purchased your books Find Your Future Husband and 16 Secrets to Becoming an Irresistible Woman which have helped me get on the right track to finding the man of my dreams and keeping him.

I am not engaged to be married to a wonderful man who is kind, generous, handsome, athletic, financially secure, educated, and is everything I’ve always wanted in a man (thanks to your books and my rigorousness in following the advice I got from them) .
He treats me wonderfully, and we generally have good open communication (I also purchased your book Men Communications Secrets Decoded so I know how to talk to him and make him open up to me).

However, something happened today that baffled me. I am not sure how to take it and how to act.

I hope you could respond to me and shed some light on this situation. Whether you decide to respond privately or share my story via your e-mail column is fine with me. In fact, it would be interesting to know what your other subscribers think of my situation and if anyone has been in a similar situation before.

I and my boyfriend went our dancing last night. He was wearing authentic pants and asked someone to take a full body picture of us so that his pants were captured full length.

This morning he texted me from work asking me to post that photo on FaceBook and tag him in it which I did. As soon as I posted it, he tagged his ex-girlfriend in that pic (even though she wasn’t in it and she wasn’t even at the dance club with us). I believe she broke up with him two years ago and is now married, but they are still friends on FaceBook.

This made me feel a bit insecure and very angry. I felt that it was disrespectful toward me. I felt subjected to public humiliation because the pic I posted of us had his girlfriend tagged in it.

I immediately thought of what my FaceBook friends would think of that. Now I don’t feel very close to him and I want to ask him why he did that. Perhaps I should tell him how I feel about it.

I think that it could be a reason for an argument or a fight and I don’t think it’s a big deal, but I still feel disrespected. I don’t want to ruin the good thing we have, but I don’t know how to approach this subject.

He also emailed me after he tagged her saying that he just wanted her to see his pants. I don’t buy it. For one, I don’t see why he would even need her to see his pants picture. Secondly, since she is on his friends list, she would see that photo in her feed anyway.
He is tagged in many of my pictures, and I am tagged in many of his. Also, our status on FaceBook is Engaged. So, why would he need to humiliate me like that by associating one of our photos with his ex? Also, why didn’t he just send her that pic through a private message if he simply wanted to show her the pants? Why make a big deal about it and do it in front of everybody?

Please, help me! I need your advice!

SandraHere is my response:

Dear Sandra,

From what I see, you should not feel insecure. You guys are engaged. He is publically displaying it on FaceBook; he is tagging you in his photos and is tagged in yours.

The only reason that I see he could have for tagging his ex in that pic is his own issues and insecurities. Perhaps he still has some residual pain due to their breakup several years ago and is feeling that he has to rub it in her face that he is now happy with someone else. It’s all about bragging and it’s making him feel better about himself.

He sounds insecure, but you shouldn’t be. If anything, he is doing this because he wants to appear worthy by showing you off. You can be proud of that. He is not hiding you. He asked YOU to post his picture, so that everyone (his ex in particular) could see the hottie he is with now (since the photo was linked to your profile).

You can simply ignore the situation. You can ask him head on why he did that (without accusing him). You can also ask him not to tag people in your photos unless they are actually in the picture. You can tell him how it makes you feel (insecure and humiliated). But all of these things would show your insecurities. However, talking openly about your insecurities make you seem more confident because someone who is insecure and is willing to talk about it is actually showing confidence. Yes, it takes guts to open up and be vulnerable. But my best advice for you is be mature. Don’t let the small things get to you.

He is proudly showing you off (even if it’s to his ex). This means in his opinion you are BETTER than she was. Yes, he is being very immature, but men do all kinds of things because of one single reason – pride.

You can help him in his mission to elevate his status by commenting on that picture. Say something like Nice pants. This will show three things that will make him appreciate you even more:

– That you are confident (because you are not getting jealous or upset)

– That you are on HIS SIDE (you have his back)

– You help him in his greatest masculine mission – elevating his STATUS

This will also show YOUR FaceBook friends that you are cool with having his ex tagged in that photo as if you know who she is and is not upset about it. Maybe she was even there at the club with you taking that photo of the two of you (no one knows that). And frankly, you are probably the only one who even noticed that she was tagged in that photo. We think that everyone is following our FaceBook updates. The reality is that most people simply don’t care. They go on FaceBook to talk about themselves, post their update and pictures. People don’t care as much as you think. So, don’t worry about who thinks what.

If that was a concern, I would honestly tell you, but from what you’ve described, it’s nothing to worry about. Insecurities and anxiety are the biggest reasons why breakups happen. And since you seem to like my books and my advice, I suggest that you check out my advice on how to build confidence in a relationship on This Page!

Sincerely,

Elaine

Now, getting back to the blog you, my dear subscribers and blog readers; what do YOU think of this situation? Please share your opinions and experiences in the comment section below!


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Comments

One Response to “What If Your Guy Did THIS?”
  1. Caroline says:

    How old are these people?
    They seem extremely immature … both of them.

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