What That Means When You Stop Hearing From Him

September 6, 2010 by  
Filed under Dating Tips For Women

I get a lot of e-mails from women (and men as well) asking me why would someone they’ve gone out on several dates with suddenly disappear or gradually vanish in thin air?

The very obvious explanation is that the person who stops contacting us is not longer interested in us. But obviously we don’t see it that way, so we keep making up excuses for them in our head because the loud and clear message is just too painful to accept.

Yes, it is painful to admit that someone we are interested in is not interested in us in return especially after we have time and feelings invested in that person.

We think that unless we hear from the horse’s mouth that they don’t want to see us anymore we should not assume that they have lost interest.

So, why won’t they just tell us? For one, someone we hardly know does not always feel (and most times they don’t) that they owe us an explanation.

Unless you are boyfriend/girlfriend, it is unreasonable to put them on a spot and demand an explanation after three or four dates. Dating does not equal a relationship. When we date, we meet up with a purpose to get to know the person and to determine if we want to see them for another date. If after three dates a person decides that he does not want to see someone for a fourth date, there is no reason they should be held liable for an explanation. They’ve simply decided after three dates that this is not going to work.

Calling them and confronting them will be of no use. It’s just as pointless as asking a person on a dating site why they don’t want to date us. In any case the answer you will receive if you were to ask would not please you.

Worse yet, getting an answer to your question as to why someone has rejected you can often lead to conflict, arguments, attempts to change their mind, tears, and other very negative consequences. So, why in the world would we want to put ourselves through so many unpleasant emotions when it is so much more painless to just disappear hoping that the other person gets the hint?

If you are on the receiving end of such disappearing act, you are probably mad thinking that they must have given you an explanation as if they owe you one. But really, think about it! Would that make you happy to have been rejected straight in the face or would it be easier for you to get a great deal of confusion but no insults and put-downs such direct rejection represents?

And it certainly is easier for the rejector to let you down easy rather than explain to someone they barely know after a few dates and whom they’ve already decided not to see again why they decided not to see them again.

Worst case scenario, the person who is rejecting another will lie and to make up the reason for the rejection. They can say they are still not over their ex and don’t want a relationship; they can make up a lie that they are actually getting together with the ex; or they may make up a lie that they are just too busy and do not have time for a relationship or don’t want a relationship at this time.

All these things mean one thing really – they do not want a relationship with the other person and they make up white lies to lessen the pain of the rejection.

But you may be saying, I felt such intense chemistry and connection; we seemed to have so much in common, etc. That can’t be the case with me!

If you think this situation does not apply to you, and you are just different, and this can’t be applicable to you, and you want to get the guy back even if you weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend but rather dated casually, check out my other page on How To Get Him Back == > Click Here To Read!

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3 Responses to “What That Means When You Stop Hearing From Him”
  1. soso says:

    gosh how true and bold, i got exactly the same response from someone i thought i was in luv with 6 years ago, i was 22 back then and didn’t know much in relationships, a relationship veteran ( friend of mine ) told me wake up girl, he’s just not that into you, i was really shocked when i 1st heard that but i was after him for months and he accepted me and told me ur like a guy friend nothing more, i hated him and fought with him , i never even felt him fighting back , he must’ve thought i was too stupid to be fought with , a year later a guy was after me and was serious but i was just not that into him he was so repulsive 2 me , that very moment i figured what he was going thru, being in a forced relationship , it’s the worst feeling ever , men love ladies with dignity .

  2. Jeanette says:

    I think that its only after you have been seeing someone for more than a month that they owe it to you to tell you if they dont see things working out between the two of you. I have more respect for a man that has the guts to tell me face to face if things arent working for him then for a man who just dissapears !

  3. ROSE says:

    Pls. an not at peace witing me, because he said unless he make love with me he will not commit to meand am afried because men are unbelivable some time, and i have not make love with a man before, which i have promise myself not to do so untill my weedded. plase help me what should i do. I told him if he realy wont me let him commit himself and let us be together. leave me , he refuse, commit, he is dealaying it.

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