Why Men Do Not Understand Love
Sheila was sitting in her den repeating to herself over and over, He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me, how can he not love me? We’ve been dating for several months; in the beginning of the relationship he told me all the things that proved that he was falling in love with me!
He wanted to be together every waking moment. He came to see her every day, and on some days came to pick her up and to drive her to his house in the Foothills. He told her he wanted to be a couple; he wanted her to be his girlfriend. He said to her on their third date that he was falling in love with her. In fact, he said I wish we could fast-track the time so now we would have about six months together under our belt and I could tell you I love you. Oh well, what the heck, I’ll tell you anyway! I love you! I’m gonna marry you!
The next day she called her girlfriend and cried with excitement: I am going to marry this guy!
Well, said her girlfriend, I can’t tell you what to do, but you have to decide for yourself. Isn’t it a little too soon for that? I mean, I understand you are feeling like you are falling for him, but you know, love and marriage are two different things. Attraction and love are two different things. What you are feeling right now is strong attraction, but is it really enough for marriage?
They didn’t get married that day. In fact, whole that thing happened over the weekend, when the marriage license bureau was closed. It was closed till Tuesday because of the holidays.
Let’s wait till Tuesday, she said. I won’t marry you today but we’ll get married on Tuesday.
Sounds good, he replied.
He gave her that loving look; the kind of look you see in the guy’s eyes when he is falling in love with you.
You just know that look. It doesn’t have anything to do with lust. You know it’s more than lust. A lot more. It’s a true excitement men get when they know they’ve met someone special.
I’ve been waiting for you my whole life, he said. This is why I didn’t get married before. You are the one I’ve been waiting for!
By Tuesday she felt a little settled in her excitement. I think I’m gonna wait and see where this goes. That’s right, she thought, I’ll wait and see.
On the back of her mind she knew that this man was the first man who she was sure she was going to marry.
She had never felt this way about any other man before.
Fast-forward several months.
She is alone in her house reminiscing the events of the relationship and the break up. They are broken up again, and she can’t remember how many times exactly they broke up before.
The first time it happened because they had an argument. They got into a fight about some little things that didn’t matter. She was hurt.
You know that sinking pain in your stomach that you experience when someone punches you real hard?
That was the pain she felt the first time they broke up.
She crawled into a fetal position in her bed and didn’t want to get up to go to work. She called in sick.
She following day the lingering pain made her completely unable to concentrate. She was in her office staring at the wall all day. She didn’t get to do much that day.
This time it seemed easier. He was pulling away, but at least he was honest about what he felt.
He told her she wasn’t the one. He had hoped she would be, but discovered that she wasn’t.
He couldn’t commit, let alone continue with her.
But he still texted her.
Sometimes he texted her late at night. He asked her if she missed him.
And when she asked why do you want to know, he’d say, because I miss you.
Then she said, why don’t you come over tomorrow?
He said he was busy all weekend and his brother was coming into town, but that he’d come to see her the following week.
He sent her some pictures of his new truck by text, and she began to wonder why he was still sharing with her the events of his life now that they weren’t together.
Perhaps he still loved her. But what does he want? Does he want to try it again?
She looked at the previous text messages he’d sent. It was clear that he loved her and missed her. But there was something that he just couldn’t get over.
It wasn’t cheating. It wasn’t temper tantrums and angry outbursts. In fact, Sheila was a kind, even-keeled person with a great sense of humor and a positive attitude toward life.
Was there a chance she could save her relationship with the man who once was so excited about her and to bring back the love and commitment they had in the past?
It wasn’t too late. He hadn’t moved on, and he wasn’t with anyone else.
Clearly, he still cared about her and missed her a lot. But he didn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore.
Do you love me? She asked him via text.
Its not about love, honey, he said. Love is confusing.
What do you mean? She asked
It means I don’t understand it, he replied
What don’t you understand about it?
Seems like everything. I gotta go! Text you later, he said.
He didn’t want to engage in a conversation on the topic of why he felt the way he felt.
It was disheartening to hear the words from his mouth I don’t know, honey… I don’t know what love is… I am confused… I don’t know how I feel anymore…
Love is confusing for many of us. But for men, it is even more confusing than it is for women.
Men aren’t in touch with their feelings, and they don’t understand why they feel the way they feel.
Sometimes they feel love, deep emotional attraction, excitement about the woman they love.
And sometimes they don’t.
Sheila was left to her own devices.
If she wanted to re-build her relationship, she was the one who had to do the work.
Yes, as harsh as it sounded, when her man pulled away, it had become her responsibility to bring them back together.
This is when I met her.
Devastated about losing her relationship, the hopes she had, the family she had hoped to build with him, the future she envisioned with him and for herself.
All seemed lost. Or perhaps there was still hope?
I sure thought so, because after I started working with Sheila was not only able to bring back her man, but to keep him for good. Learn what I taught Sheila on This Page>>>