Why Men Withdraw From a Relationship
Have you ever wondered why men withdraw in a relationship? If you are like most single women you probably have been in a relationship that started off great but as time went by, your guy started calling you less, suddenly got very busy with work and other things in his life, and gradually became less and less involved.
Perhaps he is still calling you and seeing you on occasion, or maybe he has completely stopped calling and doesn’t even return your texts and phone calls.
Why does this happen? Read this story my subscriber wanted to share with my readers followed by my response!
“I met this man on Christmas eve, yes literally December 24th and thought this was the best holiday ever. We met through a mutual friend randomly at my friend’s house. We exchanged numbers the same day and shortly after he texted me. We went on ONE date, and after 3 weeks became intimate.”
“Everything was going wonderful, I was so happy I finally found a good man after being divorced for 3 years. He called/texted everyday, told me i was beautiful, im the total package, everything he wants in a woman. I told my friends who were very happy for me. We saw each other every other weekend(child visitation) and during the week as well. He told me i was welcome at his place as long as his children were not visiting.He was very needy about seeing me everyday. I worked an 8 hr shift with a 1 1/2 hr commute each way and a 9yo to come home to. Whenever i told him i was tired he would sulk and complain and so i would SACRIFICE just to hold on to him, or so i thought.
He told me he had been divorced for 2 yrs with two young children under the age of 5(I saw pictures). However, he talks bad about ex-wife in my presence every chance he gets. He told me he worked and paid all the bills while she went to nursing school and then she repaid him by cheating on him, hence their divorce. I always suspected he had anger issues but I continued to see him anyway. I was happy i had a boyfriend. On the last week of February I received no txts or phone calls despite me calling and texting. He blamed it on work. He told me the month end is always his busiest time. The communication from him became less frequent. The pattern repeated itself at the end of March. I still continued to see him.
Then, my birthday was approaching on 4.21. I mentioned that i was looking forward to getting a gift from him, he expressed no rebuttals. My birthday fell on a saturday, he spent the friday night at my place.
On Saturday morning while he was on his way out, he told me he would call me in the evening to bring my gift. He txted me happy bday around midday then i never saw or heard from him again for ONE week. No gift, no call, nothing.I decided to call on the following saturday. No answer, no reply. He called me from outside the country 3 days after to say hello. The conversation did not go well because by this time i was very angry and i let him know it.
I was aware he would be away but his trip to visit his mom was not until 4.30. He even promised me a gift from his trip.He was very much in the US between 4.21 and 4.29. Upon his return in a telephone conversation i expressed that i was not happy about the way i was treated. He was not sorry and offered no explanations.
I even texted my hurt and disappointment but he didnt reply.I gave him space and later he called to say he missed me and that he was sorry. He called and texted numerous times that i should come visit him or that he wanted to come spend the night and i ignored every single request. I feel like he was just using me for sex and was not interested in a relationship to begin with. The last conversation we had by phone was on 5.27 where he told me he was ‘not ready for a relationship at this time’. I told him ‘have a nice life, goodbye’.
I wrote in detail to you so maybe my story could help another woman. I also wrote to ask you what mistakes did I make and how I can have a better relationship in the future should I meet someone.”
“I have subscribed to your daily emails and I see myself in a lot of them. Thanks Elaine!”
Here is my response:
Your story sounds a lot like many other stories women share with me.
Here is what went wrong in your relationship:
When it first started, it was based mainly on physical attraction. Physical attraction is a powerful thing. It can make a man feel crazy in love with you, and he’ll do anything to be close to you as much as he can.
However, this is only a start.
Physical attraction only gives you a short time frame in which you should work on establishing the second phase of attraction which is much deeper and much more powerful – emotional attraction.
Initial physical attraction wears off very quickly, and unless you establish a strong foundation for your budding relationship, your partner will not have an incentive to stay around when things get tough.
Apparently this is exactly what happened in your relationship. It was great while the initial physical attraction carried you through, but your man started to lose interest as time went by.